Importance of technology in education
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the topic of technology in education and presents a clear opinion, which is a key strength. However, it lacks depth in the development of ideas and examples, which is a critical area for improvement. The flow of ideas could be enhanced with better use of cohesive devices, and there were numerous spelling and grammatical errors that detracted from the overall quality. The structural changes made include correcting subject-verb agreement, improving spelling, and enhancing coherence with better transitions. For further improvements, the writer could elaborate on specific examples of technology's impact on education and consider counterarguments to traditional methods. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are slightly disjointed, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are numerous errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'technology play' should be 'technology plays') and sentence structure. To improve, the writer should focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement and using a variety of sentence structures correctly.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'grate', 'learnning', 'efective', 'anywere', 'entertaning', 'intrested', 'conlusion', 'acess', 'resurces', 'lerning', 'embraceing', 'modrn', 'sistem'). To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and checking for spelling mistakes.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the topic of the importance of technology in education and presents a clear opinion. However, it lacks depth in the development of ideas and examples. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the benefits of technology with more specific examples and counterarguments to traditional methods.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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