In many cities, the problems related to overpopulation are becoming common. Some governments are now encouraging businesses and individuals to move out of cities to rural areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, overpopulation is a big problem in many cityies. The government tryies to solve it by makeing people and companyies move to the countryside. I think this haves more advantages than disadvantage. s. First, when peoples move out of the city, it reduces the number of people liveing in cityurban areas. This means less traffic and pollution in the city. Also, it can makedditionally, it can lead to a decrease in the prices of houses and apartments in city go down, because lessurban areas, as fewer peoples want to buy or rent them. This is good for peoplesbeneficial for those who still live in the city, becauseas they can haveenjoy a better quality of life with less traffic and cheaper house. more affordable housing. Second, when businesses movrelocate to rural areas, it can helpsignificantly boost the ekconomiy of rural areathose regions. The businesses can provide jobs for peoples in rural areas, so they don not have to go to city to find work. This can make the rural area more develop and have bettercommute to the city for work. This can lead to the development of rural areas, improving infrastrukctur, likee such as roads and schools. Also, theFurthermore, businesses can helpsupport local farmers by buypurchasing their products, so the farmer can have more money. which can increase farmers' income. Of course, there are also some disadvantage ofs to this trend. For example, some peoples might not wbe reluctant to move to rural areas because they think thperceive life there ias boring or inot convenient. Alsodditionally, if too many peoples and businesses movrelocate to rural areas, it might causecould lead to problems likesuch as traffic congestion and pollution in rural area too. those areas as well. In conclusion, iI believe the advantages of encouraging peoples and businesses to move to rural area are more thans outweigh the disadvantages. It can help to solvalleviate the overpopulation problem in cityies and also help thefoster ekconomi ofc growth in rural areas. The government should givprovide more support and incentifves to makpromote this trend happen.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of encouraging movement from cities to rural areas. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a clear presentation of ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the need for more specific examples to support arguments. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing coherence with better transitions, and refining vocabulary for clarity and sophistication. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments and adopting a more formal tone throughout the essay. Overall, the tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, but it could benefit from a more formal style in certain areas.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of clear transitions between points. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of moving to rural areas to the disadvantages could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' would enhance the overall coherence.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the goverment try' should be 'the government tries') and incorrect verb forms ('make' should be 'making'). There are also issues with pluralization and sentence structure that hinder clarity. While the writer demonstrates some grammatical range, the frequency of errors significantly impacts the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for common grammatical mistakes and varying sentence structures.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and incorrect word forms, such as 'citys' instead of 'cities' and 'ekonomi' instead of 'economy.' Additionally, the use of phrases like 'better life' and 'more develop' lacks sophistication. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, such as 'enhance quality of life' or 'foster economic growth.'
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of encouraging movement from cities to rural areas. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly supported with specific examples. For instance, mentioning specific types of businesses that could thrive in rural areas or providing statistics on overpopulation would strengthen the response. Additionally, the tone could be more formal.
5.5

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