In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, causing a decrease in the countryside population. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In recent years, many people who live in rural areas have moved to big cities for differentvarious reasons. I think this development has both positive and negative effects, but the disadvantages are more significant for society. When people move from villages to cities, they can find better jobs and makeearn more money. I remember when my cousin moved to the capital city,; he got work in a big company and now he earns three times more than before. Also, in cities there aredditionally, cities offer many good schools and universities, soallowing young people canto study better subjects and become successful in their lifeves. Another thingadvantage is that cities have modern hospitals with gooskilled doctors, which means people getreceive better medical care than in villages. However, I believe there are more negative effects when everybody goes to live inone relocates to cities. FThe first problem is that villages become empty, and nobodyfewer people wants to work ion farms anymore. This makcreates bsig troublenificant issues because we need farmers to grow food for everyone. In my country, many oelderly people stayremain alone in villages because their children went tohave moved to the city, and they feel very sad and lonely. AlsoFurthermore, when too many people commigrate to cities, the cities get too crowded and there areurban areas become overcrowded, leading to problems likesuch as expensive housesing and too muchexcessive traffic on the roads. Furthermore Moreover, when people leave the countryside, we lose our traditional way of life and culture. I seehave observed this happening in my village, where nobody does traditional festivals anymorere no longer celebrated because young people have all left. Cities tend to make people think only aboutfocus solely on money and work, butwhereas in villages people, individuals care more about family and helping each one another. This changeshift in values is not good fordetrimental to our society. In conclusion, while moving to cities can help people getsecure better jobs and education, I thinkbelieve the negative effects on rural areas and society are more importsignificant. Governments should stryive to makimprove villages better, making them more appealing places to live so that people wantare encouraged to stay there.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic. Key strengths of the essay include a well-structured format with clear paragraphs that focus on specific points, as well as relevant examples that support the arguments made. The use of personal anecdotes adds a relatable touch to the discussion. Critical areas for improvement include balancing the discussion of positive and negative impacts, as the negative effects are emphasized more heavily. Additionally, the essay could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas and a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. Grammatical accuracy also needs attention, particularly with subject-verb agreement and formal expression. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, enhancing transitions between paragraphs, and correcting grammatical errors. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples of positive impacts on urban areas and society, as well as using a broader range of vocabulary to demonstrate lexical resource. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout the discussion.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs that each focus on a specific point. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing job opportunities to the impact on traditional culture could benefit from a clearer linking phrase. Using more varied cohesive devices would enhance the flow.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'he earn' instead of 'he earns' and 'the cities get too crowded' which could be more formally expressed. While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they do detract from the overall quality. More attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure would enhance accuracy.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning, with some good phrases like 'better jobs' and 'modern hospitals.' However, there is some repetition of words such as 'cities' and 'villages.' To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more varied expressions to demonstrate a wider lexical range.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting both positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration. However, the argument could be more balanced, as the negative effects are emphasized more heavily. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples of positive impacts on urban areas or society as a whole.
7.5

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