In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In this mordern world, with the help of the technologys, paying for goods and services via mobile apps gettis becoming more and more popular in many countryies. This trend defenetinitely has both positive and negative effects on our lyfives. In my view, iI think the beniefits of this development outweigh its drawbacks. On the one hand, there are several advanteages of using mobile apps for the payments. Firstly, it is very convenyient and saves a lot of time. For exampele, instead of carrying cash or credit cards, people can simply use their phones to pay quickely and easily. Additionally, mobile payments are more secure as they often require biometric authentication like fingerprints or face recognition, reducingwhich reduces the risks of thefts or frauds. This provides peace of mind and a sense of security for the users when they are making payments through mobile apps. However, on the other hand, there are also some disadveantages associated with this trend. One of the main concerns is that it can lead to overspending and impulse purchases. When people usinge mobile apps, they may not realise how much they are spending as they cannot see physically money leaving their hands. This can result in financial difficulties and depbts for some individuals who cannot control theire spending habits. Moreover, there is also a risk of technical issues or glitches with the apps, which can cause inconveneience and frustration for the users. In conclusion, while paying through mobile applications has some drawbacks like potential overspending and technical problems, iI believe its benefits such as conveinience, time-saving, and enhanced security outweigh the disadvantages. As long as people use these apps responsibly and within theire means, this trend will continue to grow and make our lives easier in the future.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile payment apps, while presenting a position that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Key strengths include a logical structure with clear paragraphs and a coherent argument. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling and grammatical errors, enhancing the development of ideas with specific examples, and improving the flow of ideas with better transitions. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and adding necessary transitions for better coherence. Further improvements could involve providing more detailed examples to support the points made, as well as varying sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some transitions between points are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. For example, using phrases like 'on the contrary' or 'in addition' could enhance the connection between ideas. Overall, while the message is clear, smoother transitions would improve coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'people using mobile apps' should be 'people use mobile apps'). There are also awkward constructions that affect clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure grammatical accuracy, aiming for a variety of sentence types to demonstrate range.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'morden', 'technologys', 'moble', 'defenetly', 'benifits', 'develpment', 'advanteges', 'convenyent', 'exampel', 'carring', 'quickely', 'physicaly', 'depts', 'inconveneince', 'conveinience', 'disadvatages') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and avoiding repetitive terms.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of mobile payment apps, presenting a clear position that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to support the points made. For instance, elaborating on how biometric authentication enhances security could strengthen the argument.
6.5

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