In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this have more advantages or disadvantages?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

These days, in many countryies, it is more and more common to pay for things useing mobile phone apps. This haves both advantages and disadvantages, which I will explain in this essay. On one hand, there are several advantages to paying with mobile phone apps. First of all, it is very convenyient. You do not need to carry cash or a credit card with you, only your phone, which most people already have with them all the time anyway. AlsoFurthermore, it can be more secure than carrying cash or cards, because if you lose your phone or if it gets stolen, you can easyily block the payment apps remotely. In addition, many apps offer discounts and rewards for using them, so you can save money. On the other hand, there are also some disadvanatages to this trend. One problem is that it can be difficult for older people or peoplthose who are not familiar with tekchnology to use these apps. They may prefer to pay with cash or cards, which they are more used to. Another issue is that if there are problems with the phone network or the app itself, it may not be possible to make payments. This could be very inconvenient if you are relying on the app to pay for something importeant. TAdditionally, there are also concerns about privacy and data security, as companies may collect informaction about your spending habits when you use their apps. In conclusion, while paying with mobile apps haves some clear advantages such as convenience and security, there are also valid concerns about accesseibility, reliability, and privacy. I believe that as long as these issues are addressed, the advantages will outwayeigh the disadvantages in the long run. However, it is importeant that people have the option to pay in other ways as well, so that everyone can choose the method that works best for them.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phone apps for payments. Key strengths include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point. However, critical areas for improvement include spelling errors, grammatical inaccuracies, and the need for smoother transitions between ideas. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing coherence with better linking phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples to support points and explicitly stating the writer's opinion earlier in the essay. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, using linking phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow. Improving the use of cohesive devices would strengthen the overall coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('This have' should be 'This has') and incorrect verb forms ('to pay with mobile phone apps' should be 'paying with mobile phone apps'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should review basic grammar rules and practice sentence structure.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'countrys', 'disavantages', 'convenyent', 'easyly', 'dificult', 'teknology', 'importent', 'accessebility', 'adressed', 'outway', 'everone') that detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phone apps for payments. However, the position could be clearer, and the conclusion lacks a strong summary of the main points. To improve, the writer could explicitly state their opinion earlier in the essay and ensure that each point is well-developed with specific examples.
6.0

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