In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

It is undoubtedly true that people live more longer in current societiy than in passedthe past. There isare some importeant issues to discuss about this trend, specificallyabout the benefits and drawbacks of an ageing populactions for the countryies and governements. Firstly, the elderly population makecreates some problemes for nations. Older people usually hasve more health issues and medicinal needs. It meenThis means the government must givallocate more money for healthcare for oeld peopleerly treatment. iIf more peoples are old, then lessfewer are working and paying tax money. Soes. Therefore, an ageing population is a burden for societiy and creates financial difficultyies and pressure. On the other hand, older people hasve many advantanges alsos well. They hapossess life experience and knowledge to share with youngers generations. OEld peopleerly individuals help in family toies by caring for grandchildrens. This allows parents to work in jobs. alsotheir jobs. Additionally, older people hasve free time to volunteer in the community and doengage ing charity works. In this way, the elderliy contribute positively into society and hasplay an importeant role indespite of the oldtheir age. In conclutsion, I beliefve that older people create both benefits and problems in countries with more longer life expectancies. It is a challenge for governments to solve, but also oan opportunity. We should value and respect the elderlys and ensure they hasve good healthcare and living environments. Only thaen will the ageing populastion will be more positive than negative for all.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to address both sides of the argument regarding the ageing population. Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer presents both the drawbacks and advantages of an ageing population, which shows an understanding of the complexity of the issue. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the development of ideas. The original essay contained numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hindered clarity. The revised version corrects these issues, improving overall readability. Additionally, the arguments could be further developed with specific examples to strengthen the points made. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing lexical variety by replacing repetitive phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples to support claims about the contributions of the elderly and varying sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal style throughout. Overall, the revised essay is clearer and more coherent, but further development and refinement are needed for a higher score.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, which affect clarity. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas logically.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'has' instead of 'have', 'meen' instead of 'mean'). These errors hinder the clarity of the writing. While there are some attempts at complex sentences, the overall grammatical range is limited. To improve, the writer should focus on correcting grammatical mistakes and varying sentence structures.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors and awkward word choices (e.g., 'undoubtly', 'populacions', 'advatanges'). The repetition of certain phrases, such as 'old people', detracts from the overall lexical variety. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling and usage.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views regarding the ageing population and presents a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there are several inaccuracies in the arguments presented. For example, the mention of elderly people contributing positively to society could be elaborated with specific examples. To improve, the writer should provide more detailed arguments and examples to support their points.
5.5

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