In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, in most countries, people are living more longer than in the past. This trend of aging poppulations is causing much debates. Some peoples claims it makingcreates issues and problems for the government. O, while others think that more elderly citizens are advantageous for a society. On one hands, an aging population definaitely haves disadvantages. fFirstly, older peoples tend to have more health problems, which puts a strain theon healthcare systems. Governments must spend lotssignificantly more money to maintaining care for the elderly. aslAlso, as people live longer, the cost of pensions increases greatly too. This means that governments hasve to pay out more in pemnsions, which can be hard to affording. Another challenge is that with morea larger aging population, there lessare fewer working-aged people supporting the economy, making productivity go down. But onwhich can lead to decreased productivity. On the other hand, elderly peoples bring benefits as well. To begins with, many older citizens remain active in society, doing valueable volunteer work. This helps to strengthen communities and provide crucial services. Additionally, elders possessing a lot of knowledge and life experience that can be shared with younger generations. This wisdom helps society progress. Lastly, senior citizens may contribute economically by continuing to work part-time or starting small businesses. In conclusions, I beliveve the benefits of an aging population can outweight the drawbacks if managed properly. gGovernmaents must prepare for the challenges and costs, but they should also recognize the ways in which elderly citizens bring value to society. With the right approach, we can harness the potential and wisdom of senior citizens to makcreate stronger communityies.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population, which is a key strength. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly elaborated with specific examples. The overall structure is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but coherence could be improved with better transitions and clearer phrasing. Critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, as there were numerous errors that hindered clarity. The vocabulary used was generally appropriate, but spelling errors and repetitive phrases detracted from the overall quality. The corrected version addressed many of these issues, including improved spelling, grammatical accuracy, and clearer transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples or statistics to support claims, which would enhance the overall argument. Additionally, varying the vocabulary further could improve lexical resource. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For example, phrases like 'on other hand' should be 'on the other hand' for clarity. To improve coherence, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the main argument and uses cohesive devices more effectively.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'goverments has pay out more'), incorrect article usage, and sentence fragments. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structure, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'nowdays', 'cuntries', 'poppulations', 'advantagous') that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, some phrases are repetitive, such as 'older peoples' and 'elder citizens'. To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly elaborated with specific examples. For improvement, the writer could provide more detailed evidence or statistics to support their claims, which would enhance the overall argument.
5.0

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