In many countries rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative impact?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, peoples in villages are gomoving to towns for a better living, so the population of rural areas is becoming less. I think that this trensd is having a negative aeffect ton countries. Firstly, when villages have a low population, it means there is lessare fewer people to do farming jobs. Agricoulture is the foundashution of food supplys, so if lessfewer pepople work on farms, it makecreates problems for getting enough food for the whole country. Alsodditionally, it causes the village economiy to weaken, because lessfewer workers means reduced productivitiy and income. Secondly, as more personsople move to citysies, it creates overcrowdnesing and makes the cityies too full. There will be a lack of houses and apartmaents for them to stay in. Traffic jams get worste and worste, air pollushution raises, and the quality of lyife go downdeclines for city peopleresidents. Migrastion from countryrural areas to cityies puts pressure overn all the city systems like, such as transport, sewage, trash,waste management, and hospitals. In concolusion, I believe that rural people moving oen masse to urban areas is havehas a negative impact. It causinges problems in both villages and towns. GThe government should try maketo implement policies to keep rural economies strong and give peeople reazsons to stay in villages. If not, thenre will havbe seerious trouble feeding the country and make sure citysensuring that cities remain livable and clean for everyboddy.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the negative impacts of rural depopulation, which is a key strength. However, it lacks depth in developing ideas and providing specific examples, which is a critical area for improvement. The structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing coherence through better linking phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific statistics or examples to support claims and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes unclear due to awkward phrasing and a lack of cohesive devices. To enhance coherence, the writer could use linking words and phrases more effectively, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition,' to connect ideas.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'it mean there is less people'), incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence construction, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and practice using a variety of sentence structures correctly.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'nowdays,' 'trens,' 'Agricolture,' 'foundashun,' 'pepole') that detract from the overall quality. The writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling to improve this score. Additionally, avoiding repetition of words like 'city' and 'village' could enhance lexical variety.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the negative impacts of rural depopulation. However, it lacks depth in developing ideas and providing specific examples. To improve, the writer could include more detailed explanations and examples to support their points, such as statistics on food production or specific policies that could help rural economies.
5.0

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