In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In my opinion i, I agree that the changes ofin eating habits and lifestyles of children today, comparinged to lastprevious generations, hasve negatively impacted theyir health. There are several reasons for this, which iI will explain. Firstly, the diets of childrens today includes much more junk food, sweets, and sugary drinks thean in the past. They eat a lot more fast food and processed snacks rather thean fresh, healthy foods. This leads to waieight gain and diseases like diabetes and heart problems, even in young people. Children today also consume too much salt and fat in theire diets, which is bead for theyir health. Moreover, kids these days are much less active thean before. They spend too much time sitting and using electronic devices like smartphones, tablets, and video games, ands well as watching TV. In the past, children played outside more and got more excercise. The sedentary lifestyle of today's youth means they don't burn off the calories they consume, leading to waieight gain. It also means theire bodies are weaker and less fit. In conclusion, I strongly agree that the changes in eating habits and lifestyles have had a negative aeffect on children's health. They eat too much unhealthy food and don't get enough physical activity. If these trends continue, we will see more and more health problems in areour youth. It is important for parents and society to encourage healthy eating and active lifestyles for the next generation.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion and addresses the prompt effectively, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary variety, and the inclusion of more specific examples to support claims. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing lexical resource by replacing repetitive phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific statistics or case studies to strengthen arguments and varying sentence structures for greater grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' could enhance the flow of ideas. Improving the linking of sentences and paragraphs would strengthen coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('childrens' should be 'children's', 'they health' should be 'their health'), incorrect verb forms, and punctuation mistakes. While the overall meaning is clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition (e.g., 'junk food', 'healthy foods') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'wait gain' should be 'weight gain', 'to much' should be 'too much'). The writer demonstrates some range but could benefit from incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. For improvement, the use of synonyms and more precise terms would enhance the lexical resource.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that the changes in eating habits and lifestyles have negatively impacted children's health. However, the development of ideas could be more robust, with more specific examples or statistics to support the claims. For improvement, the writer could include more detailed evidence or case studies to strengthen their argument.
6.5

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