In many countries today, women have full-time jobs. Therefore, it is reasonable to share housework equally between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Part 1 (Academic)
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I completely agree that housework should be shared equally between men and women when both are working full-time jobs. This essay will explain my reasons for supporting this position and provide examples from my experience. In modern society, more women are getting jobs outside the home and working the same hours likeas men. When I think about my own family, my mother works in a bank for 40 hours every week, just as my father does in his office. It would not be fair if she musthad to do all the cleaning and cooking after coming home tired from work. Both partners bring money to the family, so both should help with household duties too. Another important point is that sharing housework makes relationship mores stronger. From what I see with my friends who gotare married, couples who help each other with daily tasks have morea happyier life together. For example, my friend Maria and her husband take turns to cooking dinner - one day she cooks, the next day he cooks. They tell me this system works very goodwell for them, and they have more time to spend together. Furthermore, when children see their parents sharing responsibilities at home, they learn good values. In my opinion, this is very important for future generations. If young boys see their fathers helping with housework, they will think it is a normal thing to do. SIn the same way, girls will learn they deserve equal treatment in relationship.s. In conclusion, I strongly believe that equal sharing of housework between men and women who both have full-time jobs is very fair and goodbeneficial for family life. It helps create better relationships, teaches children good values, and makes life more balanced for everyone in the family. This practice should become the normal in all modern societies.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position in favour of equal sharing of housework. Key strengths include a well-defined argument and relevant personal examples that support the main points. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. The transitions between points could be smoother, and the overall structure would benefit from clearer topic sentences and concluding statements for each paragraph. The changes made focused on correcting grammatical errors, enhancing coherence, and improving lexical variety. For further improvements, the writer could consider discussing potential counterarguments to provide a more nuanced perspective. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph presents a distinct point, and there are some cohesive devices used to link ideas. However, the transitions between some points could be smoother, and the overall structure could be enhanced by clearer topic sentences and concluding statements for each paragraph.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'make relationship more stronger' (should be 'makes relationships stronger') and 'same way' (should be 'in the same way'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical correctness and varying sentence structures.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning effectively. There are some instances of repetition, such as 'cook' and 'housework,' which could be varied with synonyms. Additionally, phrases like 'more happy life' should be corrected to 'happier life' for improved accuracy. Overall, the lexical range is adequate but could be expanded for a higher score.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position in favor of equal sharing of housework. It provides relevant examples and reasons to support the argument. However, it could benefit from a more nuanced discussion of potential counterarguments or a broader perspective on the issue to reach a higher score.
7.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."