In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. What are the causes? How should these young criminals be prevented from committing crime?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In these times, many childsren and teenagers are docommitting more crimes in the world. There are many reasons for this, and I think there are some ways to stop it I think. One cause is that they have bad family situations. If parents do not take care of their children or abuse them, the children may turn to crime. Alsodditionally, if a family is poor and cannot afford thingbasic necessities, children may resort to stealing to get what they want. Another reason is the bad infleuence from friends. If friends are criminalinvolved in criminal activities, they may pressure others to join in crimes tooas well. Finally, some young people justmay have badnegative personality traits and enjoy docommitting crimes for fun or excite.ment. There are a few ways to stop youngth criminale, I believe. Firstly, the government should provide more support to poor family soies so that children do not feel the need to steal. Secondly, there should be more activityies and programs for young people so they have something to do instead of, giving them constructive alternatives to crime. For example, sports teams or youth centeres where they can go after school would be beneficial. Lastly, the police need to be more stricter on young criminal and give themoffenders and impose harsher punishments to scaredeter them from doing againreoffending. In conclusion, there are several reasons why child and teenage crime is increaseing, but there are also ways to prevent it. If we work together - —government, police, family,ies, and the community - —we can help stop young people from becomeing criminals and make society more safer for everyone.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task, addressing both the causes of youth crime and potential solutions. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more detailed examples and clearer explanations of points made, particularly regarding the concept of 'bad personality'. The flow of ideas could be enhanced with better transitions and cohesive devices, ensuring a logical progression between causes and solutions. The corrected version addresses spelling errors and grammatical issues, improving overall clarity. Suggestions for further improvement include expanding on specific examples and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the connection between the causes and the proposed solutions could be more explicitly stated. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure logical progression between ideas.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('childs and teenages are do more crimes'), incorrect verb forms, and sentence fragments. These errors hinder clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types to enhance the overall quality of the writing.
4.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'childs', 'teenages', 'influance', 'personlity', 'excite') that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, the range of vocabulary is limited, with some repetition of words like 'crime' and 'child'. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing causes of youth crime and suggesting prevention methods. However, the ideas are not fully developed, and some points lack depth and clarity. For example, the mention of 'bad personality' could be elaborated with specific examples or explanations. To improve, the writer should provide more detailed examples and a clearer position on the issue.
5.5

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