In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people's skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In most countries, there is now a huge business for creams and other products to make people's skin whiter or lighter in color. There are many reasons why peoplse want to use thisese products, and they can have a bsignificant impact on people's health and the societys. One of the main reasons that make people want to use skin whitening products is societyal pressure. In a lot of places, fair skin areis seen as more attractive and desirable, andwhile dark skin can be looked down upon. This leads many individuals, especially women, to try forto change their natural skin color to fit in with thisese beauty standards. Another reason areis that lighter skin may be perceived as a sign of higher social status or wealth, as it indicates that a person do'nes not have to work outdoors. While these products may give people sattisfaction with their appearance, they can have really negative effects ton health and society bothas a whole. Many skin lightening creams contains harmful chemicals like mercury, which can cause skin damage or even more serious issues over the time. Furthermore, the widespread use of these products can reinforce harmful stereotypes and discrimination based on skin color. It sends a message that dark skin areis inferior and needs to be corrected, which can have a damaging impact foron people's self-esteem and mental health. In conclusion, the popularity of skin whitening products is driven by societal pressures and beauty standards that value lighter skin tones. However, the use of these products poses serious risks to people's health, and contributes to perpetuating damaging attitudes towards skin color diversitiesy. It is important to challenge thisese beauty standards and promote acceptance, and celebrateing the natural beauty of all skin colors.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by outlining reasons for the use of skin whitening products and discussing their effects on health and society. Key strengths include a clear structure and relevant points. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more thorough development of ideas, specific examples, and clearer connections between points. The vocabulary used is somewhat limited, with several spelling errors and a lack of variety in word choice. Additionally, grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms, detract from overall clarity. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with clearer transitions, and enhancing vocabulary. For further improvements, the writer could elaborate on specific societal implications and health consequences, as well as vary sentence structures more effectively. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. Cohesive devices are used, but not always effectively. To improve, the writer should focus on clearer transitions between ideas and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point that connects back to the thesis.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'are see', 'make people want use'). While some sentences are correctly structured, the frequency of errors affects overall clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and includes several spelling errors (e.g., 'peoples', 'ppls', 'sattisfaction', 'socity'). While there are attempts at using relevant terms, the repetition of phrases like 'skin whitening products' and 'lighter skin' indicates a lack of variety. To enhance this score, the writer should aim to use a broader range of vocabulary and correct spelling mistakes.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by outlining reasons for the use of skin whitening products and discussing their effects on health and society. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and clearer connections between points. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on the societal implications and provide more detailed health consequences.
6.0

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