In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of this phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In recent years, the cases of athletes taking disallowed drugs forto enhance theire performance in professional sports arehave been rising. This aessay will examines the causes of this problem and suggest some possible solution.s. There are two main reasons why more and more sportspeople are using banned substances these days. FThe first is the pressure to win. As professional sports becomes increasingly competitive, the atheletes feels they must do whatever it takes for victory, even if it means cheating by consumeing performance-enhancing drugs. SThe second cause is the huge financial arewards for winning. Top atheletes can earn millions of dollars from winning major championships, as well as endoresement deals. The temptation of biglarge sums of money encourages some competitors to gain an unfair advantages through doping. However, there are several actions that can be taken forto tackle this issue. One solution is doto conduct more frecquent and random drug testing, both during and outside of competitions. This will make it harder for atheletes to gets away with using banned substances without beeing caught. Another possible measure aris to impose harsher penalties like, such as lifetime bans for drug cheats, to deter others from doing the same. If atheletes knows they will not only loose medals but potentially theire entire careers, most will think twice before dope.ing. To conclude, the growing use of illegal drugs among professional sportspeoples is driven by the pressure to win and chase money. Butthe pursuit of money. However, more testing and stronger punishments could help reverse theseis trend. It is important forto ensure the integrity of sports so that fans can beliefve in the athletes.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing both the causes and potential solutions to the issue of drug use in sports. Key strengths include a logical structure and a clear introduction and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the development of ideas. The writer should focus on correcting subject-verb agreement and ensuring proper verb forms throughout the essay. Additionally, expanding on the solutions with specific examples would enhance the overall quality. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal style throughout. Further improvements could include using a wider range of vocabulary and incorporating more cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For instance, 'the athelete feels they must do whatever it takes for victory' could be rephrased for better coherence. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition,' would enhance the overall cohesion.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('more and more sportpeople using'), incorrect verb forms ('this assay will examines'), and awkward constructions ('to deter others from doing same'). These errors impact the clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct verb forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the essay.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'disalowed,' 'enhance,' 'professional,' 'assay,' 'frecuent,' 'sustance,' 'beeing') that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, the use of phrases like 'big money' and 'unfair advantages' is somewhat repetitive. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the causes of athletes using banned substances and suggesting possible solutions. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there are instances of vague language, such as 'this assay will examines' and 'the temtation of big money encourges.' To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples and elaborate on the solutions proposed.
6.0

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