In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation's population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In contemporary times, the amountnumber of elderly people in numerous countryies is increasing very fuast. Consequently, this leads to costlier healthcare for the government to provide. I am agree that citizens shuould pay for they'reir own healthcare expenses in the upcoming years. Firstly, as the number of older peoples becomes bigger, the increases, public spending ion health will need to grow as a result. Governments will be faced with major pressure on their budgets to pay for the rising costs of hospitals, medicines, and treatment for more and more aged peopleindividuals. If citizens pay for they'reir own healthcare instead of relying ton the government, this would redusce the burden on the public finansces significantly. Governments would then have more money available to invaest in other important areas like education and infrastructure. Secondly, if people are requiered to cover their personal healthcare costs, they may be more motivated to stay healthy and avoid unnecessary medical expencses. They would have a stronger incentive to eat healthier, exercise regularly, and take preventive measures to avoid getting sick in the first place. Over time, this could lead to a healthier population overalll, which would furthuer reduce the strain on the healthcare system. When people are responsibled for paying their own medical bills, they are more likely to be cautious about theire health. In conclustion, I strongly beliefve that individuals should be expected to finance theire own healthcare needs going forward. This would alleviate the growing pressure on government budgets and potentially encourage people to adopt healthier lifestyles. While governments can still provide a safety net for those who cannot afford basic care, the primary onus should be on citiszens themselves to plan and save for theire future medical requirements as the population continues agingto age.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument that individuals should pay for their healthcare, which is a key strength. The structure is logical, with distinct paragraphs for each main point, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the argument. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in spelling, grammar, and the development of ideas. The original essay contained numerous spelling errors and grammatical mistakes that detracted from clarity and coherence. In the corrected version, these errors have been addressed, and the use of cohesive devices has been improved with smoother transitions between ideas. Further improvements could include the incorporation of specific examples or statistics to support the arguments, which would enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay. Additionally, varying the vocabulary further could help to demonstrate a wider lexical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for each main idea. However, the use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, and some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, phrases like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' are used, but more varied linking words could enhance the flow. Improving the use of cohesive devices would help in achieving a higher score.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors (e.g., 'I am agree', 'this lead', 'the public spending in health will need to grow', 'the primary onus should be on citisens themselves'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, ensuring that sentences are grammatically correct.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'eldery', 'numerus', 'fust', 'shud', 'helth', 'requiered', 'expences', 'individuls', 'citisens') that detract from the overall quality. While some attempts at varied vocabulary are present, the frequent errors limit the effectiveness. To improve, the writer should focus on spelling accuracy and consider using a wider range of synonyms.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that individuals should pay for their healthcare. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly supported with specific examples. For improvement, the writer could include statistics or case studies to strengthen their points.
6.0

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