In many workplaces, online communication is becoming more common than meeting face to face. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, in most of workplaces, peoples communicate through online rather than meaeting face to face. In my opinion, I believe that this development haves more advantages than the disadvantages. One of the main advantages is that online communication saves a lot of time. Instead of going to the office and haveing a meeting, employees can just talk through video conferences or sending emails. This saves time for travelling and also allows people to work from home, which is more conveniencet. Moreover, online communication is also more effective because it allows people to share documents and files easily. For example, if someone wants to share a presentation, they can just attach it in an email rather than print out many copies. However On the other hand, there are also some disadvantages of online communication. One of them is that it can be less personal than face-to-face meetings. When people meet in persons, they can see each other's facial expressions and body language, which can help to build relationships and trust. Online communication can sometimes lead to misunderstandings because it is harder to convey tone and emotions through text or video. Additionally, online communication can also be less secure than face-to-face meetings, as there is a risk of sensitive informations being hacked or leaked. In conclusion, while there are some disadvantages to online communication in the workplace, I believe that the advantages outweigh them. Online communication is more convenient, efficient, and cost-effective than face-to-face meetings, and it allows for greater flexibility in how and where people work.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of online communication in the workplace, with a clear position maintained throughout. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant examples that support the main ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the argument. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between paragraphs, and refining vocabulary choices. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying sentence structures and incorporating more idiomatic expressions. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay generally follows a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, using cohesive devices like 'on the other hand' or 'furthermore' could enhance the flow of the argument. Additionally, the use of linking phrases could improve the overall coherence.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('this development have'), incorrect verb forms ('belive' instead of 'believe'), and awkward constructions ('instead going to office'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'communication' and 'disadvantage'). Some word choices are incorrect or awkward, such as 'meating' instead of 'meeting' and 'informations' instead of 'information.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of online communication in the workplace. The position is clear, and the main ideas are developed with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more precise, and the conclusion could better summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs.
7.0

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