In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

It is indeededly true that youths are spending a smaller amount of time with their families and higha greater amount of time with their friends nowadays. This change has occurred due to several reasons, and I will now further explain. Besides thatAdditionally, I will also give my opinoion on wheather parents should force their childsren to spend many more time at home. Firstly, theis change has occurred because of the fact that young peoples have more freedom than ever before ever. They can easily go out with thieir friends without needing permission from their parents, this is becauseas parents are usually busy with work nowadays. Moreover, technology has also played a significant role in this change. Young peoplse can easily stay connected with their friends thruough social media and messaging apps, which makeso theym feel less need to spend time with thieir families. Secondly, I believe thaat parents shuouldn't force their children to spend more time at home, thatas they are old enough to make their own decisions regarding how they want to spend their time. Forcing them to stay at housme may only lead to conflict and resentment. Instead, parents should try to create a positive and welcoming environement at home and encourage their kidos to spend quality time with the family whenever they can. In conclusion, the change in young adults spending more time with their friends than their families is a result of increased freedom and technoology. While parents shouldn't force their childrens to spend more time at home, they can still encourage it by making home a positive and welcoming place.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses the prompt effectively. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a clear opinion presented. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more depth in the development of ideas and the inclusion of specific examples to strengthen arguments. Additionally, the essay contains several spelling and grammatical errors that detract from its overall quality. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing coherence through better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples to support claims and using a wider range of vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between sentences and ideas could be improved. For instance, the use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'smaller amount time', 'high time with their friends', 'that they are old enough'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure grammatical accuracy through careful proofreading.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used in the essay is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'youts', 'nowdays', 'technolgy', 'thier', 'shudnt', 'decisons', 'kidos', 'qualty') that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, the use of more varied and sophisticated vocabulary would enhance the essay. To improve, the writer should proofread for spelling errors and consider using a wider range of vocabulary.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for the change in young adults' time spent with family versus friends and presents a clear opinion on whether parents should force their children to spend more time at home. However, the development of ideas lacks depth and specific examples, which would strengthen the argument. To improve, the writer could provide more detailed explanations or examples to support their points.
5.5

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