In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

Part 1 (General)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In recent years, many small shops have closed because people go to malls for buying things. This is a negative development for several reasons. First, the closing of small shops is bad fordetrimental to the local economy. When shops close, people who work there loose their jobs. They will have no money to buy food and pay for their houses. This situation is very bad for local people and their familyies. AlsoFurthermore, when people loose jobs, they pay no taxes. This means less money for schools, hospitals, and roads in the local area. Second, malls are often far from where people live. People have to drive a long way to get there. This leads to more traffic and pollution. Local shops are within walking distance, so it is better for the environment when people buy things there. Third, small shops offer unique products and personal service. Many small shops sell thingitems that you cannot find in big malls. Alsodditionally, shop owners know their regular customers and can givprovide them with good advice and help them find what they need. In malls, salespeople don'often do not know customers and oftenmay just want to sell the most expensive thingitems. In conclusion, I believe the closing of small shops is a very negative trend. It is bad forharmful to the local economy, environment, and quality of service. We must support our local shops to keep our communities strong and healthy.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by arguing that the closure of small shops is a negative development. Key strengths include a clear structure with distinct paragraphs and relevant points made in each. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more specific examples to support the arguments and the correction of grammatical errors, particularly in verb forms and subject-verb agreement. Structural changes made include the addition of transitional phrases like 'Furthermore' and 'Additionally' to improve coherence and the correction of spelling errors. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and providing specific examples of unique products offered by small shops. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow could be improved. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt. Using cohesive devices more effectively, such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition,' would enhance the overall coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('shops closed' should be 'shops have closed') and incorrect verb forms. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for common mistakes and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'small shops' and 'malls.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or varied expressions, like 'local businesses' or 'shopping centers.' Additionally, there are some spelling errors (e.g., 'loose' instead of 'lose,' 'familys' instead of 'families,' 'enviroment' instead of 'environment') that detract from the overall quality.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by arguing that the closure of small shops is a negative development. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples and a clearer structure. For instance, elaborating on how the loss of local shops affects community identity would strengthen the argument.
6.0

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