"In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn."

Part 1 (General)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In some countries, some peoplecertain individuals have very high salaries compared to other peoples. There is debated about ifwhether this is a good thing for the country or if the government needs to control how much people can earning. I think. I believe that it is not sonecessarily bad to have a few peopleindividuals with high salaryies in a country. The reason I say this is that those people who earn a lot, they can use their money to help the economy. For example, rich people buy more things and thiswealthy individuals tend to buy more goods, which creates jobs for other people who make those things. Also, richs who produce those items. Additionally, affluent people pay more taxes, and this moneyrevenue can be used by the government can use to build roads, schools, and help poor people. However, if difference between richassist those in need. However, if the disparity between the wealthy and the poor people ibecomes too biggreat, this creates problems in society. Poor people will feel angry and maybe try to takeLess fortunate individuals may feel resentment and could resort to theft to obtain money from the rich by stealing. Also. Furthermore, it is unot fair if some people work very hard but don not earn much and other people don, while others who do not work as hard but earn bigreceive substantial salary.ies. In conclutsion, I believe it is okacceptable to have a few rich peoplewealthy individuals in a country, but the government need to make surmust ensure that the gap between the rich and the poor is not hugexcessive. They can doachieve this by puttimposing limits on salaries or make rich pay morerequiring the wealthy to pay higher taxes. This way, everyone can benefit from a prosperous economy.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view of the issue regarding high salaries and government intervention. Key strengths of the essay include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer effectively addresses both sides of the argument, which is essential for task achievement. Critical areas for improvement include enhancing the depth of the argument by providing more specific examples or data to support claims. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be improved to enhance the flow of ideas, and the vocabulary could be varied to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include refining the introduction for clarity, improving transitions between paragraphs, and correcting grammatical errors. The topic sentences have been clarified to better reflect the main ideas of each paragraph. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, as well as providing concrete examples of how high earners contribute to the economy. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better linked to enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'In addition' could be used to improve transitions between points. Improving coherence could involve clearer topic sentences for each paragraph.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('this create problems'), incorrect verb forms ('can earning' should be 'can earn'), and punctuation mistakes. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'rich people' and 'poor people') that could be varied. The phrase 'this create problems' should be corrected to 'this creates problems.' To enhance lexical resource, the writer could incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, such as 'wealth disparity' instead of 'difference between rich and poor.'
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding high salaries and government control. However, it lacks depth in exploring the implications of these views and could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument. To improve, the writer could elaborate on the potential consequences of income inequality or provide more concrete examples of how high earners contribute to the economy.
6.0

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