In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am agree that governments needs to makeimpose a higher tax ofn fast foods because of many people due to the numerous health problems fromassociated with it. Fast foods is tasty and easy to get but they have so muchobtain, but it contains excessive calories, fat, and salt in them which make people more fat and get sick if eat them too much times. The f, which can lead to obesity and illness if consumed too frequently. Fast foods companies alwaysheavily advertise a lot which make more people wants to eat their foodstheir products, which encourages more people, especially young peopleindividuals and childrens who don't know about the dangers. This is bad for themay not be aware of the dangers, to consume their food. This trend negatively impacts socierty and the economy too when more people get sick more from the fast foods. Ifsuffer from health issues related to fast food consumption. If the government makeraises the tax ofn fast foods higher, than, the prices will go up more and less people can buy it everyday. More people will chooseincrease, leading to a decrease in daily purchases. Consequently, more people may opt for healthier foods option instead which have lower price. Also the fast food companies will have less profit so maybe they start to make their foodss, which are often more affordable. Additionally, fast food companies may experience reduced profits, prompting them to reformulate their products to be more nutritionus and lessower in salt, and fat so they can keep thein order to maintain a lower tax rate. This way, both the peopleapproach could benefit both consumers and companies can benefit.alike. In conclusion, I agree strongly believe that needa higher tax foron fast foods. I is necessary. It is important for improving the health of the population and for makencouraging the fast food industry changes to more better. Gto make positive changes. The government haves the responsibility to control this problemaddress this issue so theat future generations can haveenjoy long and healthy lifves. Although some peoples willindividuals may complain about higherthe increased prices, but is for goodthis measure is ultimately beneficial in the long term.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument in favour of a higher tax on fast food. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a clear stance on the issue. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more detailed development of ideas, such as incorporating specific examples or statistics to support claims. Additionally, the original essay contained several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that disrupted the flow of ideas. The revised version addresses these issues by correcting grammatical mistakes, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing lexical resource by using more precise vocabulary. Suggestions for further improvement include incorporating specific studies or statistics related to health impacts and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical accuracy. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For example, the phrase 'this is bad for the society and economy too' could be better integrated into the argument. To improve coherence, the writer should use more cohesive devices and ensure that each idea logically follows the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as 'I am agree' instead of 'I agree' and 'government have' instead of 'government has.' There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. While the meaning is generally clear, the presence of these errors affects the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and misuse, such as 'fast foods' instead of 'fast food' and 'more fat' instead of 'more overweight.' Additionally, there are spelling errors like 'especialy' and 'socierty.' To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim for a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling accuracy.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by expressing agreement with the need for a higher tax on fast food due to health issues. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the arguments could be more thoroughly elaborated with specific examples. For improvement, the writer could include statistics or studies that demonstrate the health impacts of fast food consumption.
6.0

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