In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task, addressing the reasons for people's interest in the history of their homes and suggesting methods for research. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary variety, and the depth of examples provided. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving phrasing, and enhancing transitions between ideas for better coherence. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples or personal anecdotes to enrich the discussion. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of clear transitions between points. For example, the transition from discussing reasons to methods of research could be smoother. Using cohesive devices more effectively would improve clarity and coherence.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('peoples are more interested'), incorrect article usage ('a intresting topic'), and awkward sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition (e.g., 'peoples' instead of 'people', 'intresting' instead of 'interesting'). Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as 'interested for knowing about'. To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim for more varied vocabulary and correct usage of terms.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for people's interest in the history of their homes and suggesting ways to research this history. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the examples provided lack depth. To improve, the writer could elaborate on each reason with more specific examples or personal anecdotes, which would enhance the overall argument.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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