In some countries, prison is seen as the solution to crime. However, some people believe that giving people a better education is a better way to prevent them committing crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these ideas? Give your opinions based on your knowledge and experiences.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I strongly believe education is better than prison for stopping crimes. When I think about this topic, I remember many things from my country and what I see in other places too. F The first thing I want to talk aboutdiscuss is why prisons do not work so goodas effectively. In my experience, when people go to prison, they meet other criminals and sometimes learn more bad thingnegative behaviours. I have read articles that say many people who went to prison, they do commit crimes again after they come outare released. This is because they don' not learn goodvaluable skills in prison,; they just sit there and become more angry at society. Alsodditionally, prison is very expensive for the government, as they need a lot of money to keep people there.incarcerated. Another important point Iis think about isat education can help stop crimes before they happen. When I was in school, I saw how education give people more chancprovides people with more opportunities in life. If someone can read goodwell and do math, they can find a job more easily. AlsoFurthermore, when people study, they learn about right and wrong things, and they understand better why some things are bad forcertain actions are detrimental to society. In my opinion, if the government spends more money foron schools instead of prisons, maybe less people do crimes. But I must say both things are little biperhaps fewer people would commit crimes. However, I must acknowledge that both education and prison are somewhat important. Some dangerous peopleindividuals need to go to prison to protect others,; this is true. HowNever, I thinktheless, I believe we should focus more on education, especially for young people who might do bad thingengage in criminal activities if they don' not have good opportunities. In my country, when the government madeestablished better schools in poor areas, lessfewer young people joined bad groupgangs. To conclude, while prisons are sometimes necessary, I strongly believe education is a much better way to prevent crimes. If we givprovide people with a good education and chances to make betteopportunities to improve their lifeves, they will not want to dobe less inclined to commit crimes. GThe government should put more money inallocate more funds to schools and teachingeducational programs instead of buildconstructing more prisons.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument that education is a more effective solution to crime than imprisonment, supported by relevant examples and personal experiences. Key strengths of the essay include a well-defined position on the topic and the use of personal anecdotes to illustrate points. The logical progression of ideas is evident, and each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. Critical areas for improvement include enhancing the variety of vocabulary to avoid repetition and awkward phrasing, as well as addressing grammatical errors that detract from the overall quality. The transitions between some ideas could also be smoother to improve coherence. Structural changes made include refining the topic sentences for clarity, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing the flow of ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples to support the argument and a deeper exploration of the counterargument regarding the necessity of prisons. Additionally, the writer could benefit from using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the overall coherence of the essay. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, and there are some cohesive devices used to link ideas. However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother, and the overall flow could be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions (e.g., 'prisons not work so good,' 'they need lot of money'). While these do not significantly impede understanding, they detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and grammatical accuracy.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the topic, with some effective phrases such as 'give people more chances' and 'protect others.' However, there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'prison' and 'crimes') and some awkward phrasing (e.g., 'they need lot of money'). To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that education is a better solution to crime than imprisonment. The writer provides relevant examples and personal experiences to support their argument. However, the discussion could be further developed with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the counterargument regarding the necessity of prisons.
7.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?