In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In many countryies, more and more youngs people prefer to choose work-based trainings instead tof going to university. I think this haves both advantages and disadvantages, but the advantages isare more important. The main advantage of work-based training is that it give thes young people practical skills and experience that isare useful for their future careers. When they work, they can learn how to do things in real life, not just in theory like in university. This can help them to find a job more easily after they finish their training. Alsodditionally, work-based training is usually cheaper than university, so it ismaking it more affordable for many people. individuals. However, there are also some disadvantages tof work-based training. One disadvantage is that it may not provide the same level of education as university. In university, students can learn about many different subjects and develop their critical thinking skills. Work-based training may focus only on specific skills and may not provide a broad education. Another disadvantage is that work-based training may limit the career options of young people. If they only learn specific skills, they may not be able to change careers easily in the future. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of work-based training outweigh the disadvantages. It provides practical skills and experience that are valuable for future careers, and it is more affordable than university. However, it is important to ensure that work-based training also provides a good education and does not limit career options too much.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of work-based training compared to university education. Key strengths include a clear position and relevant ideas. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary variety, and smoother transitions between points. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving subject-verb agreement, and enhancing the flow between paragraphs with better transition phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples or data to support claims and varying sentence structures for greater complexity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing advantages to disadvantages could be more clearly signposted. Using cohesive devices more effectively would enhance the overall clarity.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('this have' should be 'this has') and incorrect plural forms ('youngs people'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'work-based training' and 'young people.' Additionally, there are some inaccuracies, such as 'youngs people' instead of 'young people' and 'advantage' instead of 'advantages.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of work-based training compared to university education. The position is clear, and the main ideas are developed with relevant examples. However, the argument could be strengthened with more specific examples or data to support the claims made.
7.0

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