In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In many countryies, young peoples are encouraginged to work or travel duringfor one year after thefinishing high school finishing and before beginning university studyies. There are both advantageous and disadvantages for young people who choose this waypath. I will discuss about thisthese in the following paragraphs. The first advantage is that they can get somain valuable work experiences. For example, if they work in a company or a factory, they will learn how to communicate and work with other peoples,collaborate with others, as well as how to solve problems when they meetencounter difficulties. They can also can learn somacquire skills which isthat are useful for their future carreers. Secondly, if they choose to travel, they can learn about different cultures, and the history of the places they visited, twhisch will wibroaden their knowledge. ThirdlyFurthermore, they will become more independent after one year of working or travelling, because theyas they will have to manage everything by themselfves, such as money, time, and so on. finances and time management. On the other hand, there are also some disadvantages forto this choice. One year is a long time, and they may forget what they have learned in high school. When they go backreturn to university, it willmay be difficult for them to followkeep up with the lessons. Moreover, during this one year, they mayight spend a losignificant amount of money if they do not have a job with a good sallary. They may have to use their saving money or take moneys or rely on financial support from their parents. Another disadvantage is that they may waste their time if they justsimply play and do nothing during this gap year. In conclusion, I believe that there are both advantages and disadvantages for young peoples to work or travel infor one year before going to university. They can getain many beniefits, such as work experience, skills, and knowledges. However, they also have to face some difficulties in money and studyingface challenges related to finances and academics. I think the advantages are moreoutweigh thane disadvantages. If they can manage their time and money well, this willcan be a very good waybeneficial experience for them.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. Key strengths include a coherent structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary usage, and the depth of examples provided. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary, and enhancing transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples of how work experience or travel can impact future studies or careers, as well as varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical skills. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a clear structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved. For instance, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the phrase 'this will widen their knowledge' could be better connected to the previous sentence. Using more varied linking words would enhance the flow.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('they can learn some skills which is useful'), incorrect plural forms ('peoples'), and awkward sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is adequate but contains several errors and repetitions, such as 'young peoples' instead of 'young people' and 'sallary' instead of 'salary.' There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as 'discuss about this.' To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in word choice.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. However, it lacks depth in some areas, such as providing more specific examples or elaborating on the points made. To improve, the writer could include more detailed examples of how work experience or travel can impact future studies or careers.
6.0

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