In some countries, younger people are neglecting their right to vote. What problems does this cause and what are some of the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In some of countryies, the young population is not dovoting to vote oin elections. This is causing much biga significant problem for democracy and country future, ithe future of the country, and I will discussing it. First of all, when younger people do not vote, it makes politicians only listen to old people. Ter individuals. The voices of the young population voicare not heard by old leaders who only care about the votes of the elder generation. Without the youth's voice, the government only focus thinges on issues like pensions and healthcare for oldthe elderly, instead of progressive policyies and investments for future generations. Also it make for bigdditionally, this creates a major problem thatwhere the young generation is losing interesst in the political process and country runningthe governance of the country. If they do not participate sincefrom a young age, they nevver learn how govenrnment and society works. This causes long-terms problems of not having an educated population whothat understands civics and can make wise decisions. So tTo solve thisese issues, iI think it is important weto educattinge young people from school about the importantce of voting. Teachers must discussion current events more and encouraged students to go out forand vote. Politicians also need to make an effortt to connect with young people on platforms they use, like social media, to show that they listens to the youth's voice and makcreate policies that support them, t. Then, young people will be more motivated forto vote. In concludesion, the problems of young people not votting are very seriously. To fixes it this, we need more education and outreach to youth from a young age so they develop the habit of participateion. Only then we can we have a healthy democracy that represents all people.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by addressing the issues related to young people not voting and suggesting solutions. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and lexical variety. The writer should focus on correcting grammatical errors, using a wider range of vocabulary, and enhancing the flow of ideas with cohesive devices. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving sentence clarity, and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific examples to support arguments and varying sentence structures to enhance readability. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is disrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The use of cohesive devices is minimal, which affects the overall clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer should use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas logically.
5.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. These errors hinder the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on mastering basic grammatical rules and constructing clearer sentences.
4.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'young people', 'vote') and some incorrect word forms (e.g., 'interesst', 'educatting'). The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices. To improve, the writer should aim to use synonyms and more sophisticated expressions.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the problems caused by young people neglecting their right to vote and suggesting possible solutions. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there are several grammatical errors that detract from clarity. To improve, the writer should ensure that all points are clearly articulated and supported with relevant examples.
5.0

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