In the future all cars, buses, and trucks will be driverless. The only people traveling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear opinion that the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant examples that support the main ideas, such as safety improvements and convenience. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and word choice, as well as enhancing the range of vocabulary to avoid repetition. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving clarity, and ensuring proper use of terms like 'driverless' instead of 'driveless.' Further improvements could involve incorporating more detailed examples or statistics to strengthen the argument and using a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow between ideas. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, which aids coherence. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved; for instance, transitions between some ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of the argument.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'driveless' instead of 'driverless,' 'reduces' instead of 'reduce,' and issues with subject-verb agreement. Additionally, phrases like 'less people will be hurts' should be corrected to 'fewer people will be hurt.' Addressing these errors would improve clarity and accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with some effective phrases such as 'human error can be eliminated' and 'significant job losses.' However, there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'driveless vehicles' is used frequently) and some awkward word choices (e.g., 'driveless' instead of 'driverless'). Expanding the range of vocabulary and using synonyms could enhance the score.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear opinion that the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as safety improvements and convenience. However, the argument could be strengthened with more detailed examples or statistics to support the claims made.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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