In the last decade, there has been a great increase in global air travel. What do you think are the reasons for this and do you think it is a good thing?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, our world is morehas seen a significant increased in glovbal air travel inover the past of 10 years. There are many reasons and I thinkfor this trend, and I believe it has both good and bad points, thatwhich I will explain in this essay. Firstly, the prices for plane tickets of planhave decreased and becomed more afforadable for athe general population of the world. Plus, low-cost companies appeared and made even more. Additionally, low-cost airlines have emerged, making even cheaper flights available which eventhat styudents and youndg people can usetake advantage of. Secondly, with the rise of the internet and social medias, people share more about their travelings and journeys, motivating their families and friends to also travelexplore the world. This creates a kind of ripple effect that spreads the idea tof tralvelling more in people's mind. s. I beleieve this increase is both good and bad. The advantage is thatn air travel has both advantages and disadvantages. On the positive side, people can see more of the world and open their minds to other cultures, cuisines, and lands. Also, peoplecapes. Furthermore, this exposure helps individuals understand betterthe world and have morebetter and fosters empathy for the different cultures. ButHowever, on the opposite side, this trend has some badnegative consequensces. The aAir traffic is verhighly polluting for the environnement, and it is responsible ofcontributes to pollution that causes climate changes. AlsoMoreover, iI think it is not always goodbeneficial that evereybodyyone can travel easily because it let, as it leads to mass tourism, which can damage beautifeul places of the naturenatural places and ancient monuments. In the conclusinon, I think increasead air travel is like a coin with two different faces. While it letallows us to explore the great diversity of our world and develop an open mind, it also has bsignificant negative impacts that must be meanaged.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument regarding the increase in air travel. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as the identification of both positive and negative aspects of air travel. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more thorough development of ideas, clearer examples, and better transitions between points. The original spelling and grammatical errors have been corrected, enhancing the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. The use of cohesive devices has been improved to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples of cultural understanding gained through travel and discussing particular environmental impacts in more detail. Additionally, varying sentence structures further could enhance the essay's complexity and engagement. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. To improve coherence, the writer could use more cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms ('becomed'), awkward constructions, and issues with subject-verb agreement. While the writer demonstrates some range in sentence structure, the frequent errors hinder clarity. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'gloval', 'afforadble', 'stydents', 'yound', 'creat', 'beleive', 'poluting', 'evereybody', 'beautifel') that detract from the overall quality. The writer could enhance their lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for the increase in air travel and presenting both positive and negative aspects. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with clearer examples and a more structured argument. For improvement, the writer could elaborate on specific examples of cultural understanding or environmental impacts.
6.0

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