In the past, husbands went out to work while wives stayed at home to take care of the children. What do you think were the advantages or disadvantages of only men working? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In past times, it was a normal situation that men gowent out to do working, and, while the women wives are stayed at home to caringe for the kids. There were some good and bad things aboutaspects of this arrange.ment. The biggest advantage i, I think, was that the wife arewas able to give full attention forto raising the childsren. They had plenty of time to take care of them, to play with them, and to teach them important lessons to become good adults. Mothers canould really focous on children's needs when they not needdid not have to worrying about work too. My own mother was a housewife when iI was a young boy, and iI have muchany good memoryies of her always being there for us kids. But in On the other hand, there were also some negative aeffects of this way tof organising the family. One problem is that the wife becoame very dependednt on the husband for all the money and support. They did nont have their own income. So if something happened to the husband, like he geot sick or loset his job, then it would be a big trouble for the whole family. I remember my aunty,; she never had a job because my uncle worked in a factory. But then he haved an accident and canould not work no anymore. They had mucha lot of difficulty to manageing after that. Also i Additionally, I think it is not so easy for the womanswomen who have to stay home all the time. Maybe they feel bored or lonely sometimes, missing adult company and conversastion. My mother loved being with us childsren, but she was always so happy to chat with the neighbour lady or her sister on the phone, I remember. It is a hard job to raise kids alone all day with no break or help from others, isn't it. So i? In conclusion, there are good and bad side ofs to this past arrangement where only the man worked outside. It is okay if everything goinges well, but have somthere are risks if problems happen. AndIt can also be challenging for the wife to handle everythings alone all the time. I believe its more is better when both husband and wife both share the earning and raising of kids together as a partners.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of men being the sole breadwinners. Key strengths include a coherent structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the development of ideas with more specific examples. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between paragraphs, and enhancing clarity in phrasing. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more detailed examples and statistics to support the arguments. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For instance, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices, such as 'on the other hand' or 'furthermore,' would enhance clarity.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('the wife are able'), incorrect verb forms ('are stay' instead of 'stay'), and punctuation mistakes. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types to demonstrate a wider range.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of repetition and incorrect word forms, such as 'the women wives' and 'focous.' Additionally, phrases like 'big trouble' and 'much good memory' are informal and could be replaced with more sophisticated expressions. To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct word forms.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of men being the sole breadwinners. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and the examples provided could be more detailed and relevant. To improve, the writer could elaborate on the examples and provide more specific instances or statistics to support their points.
6.0

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