In today's world, people are changing their appearance by surgery, jewelry and makeup. What are the reasons behind this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In the modern world, many people are trying to changinge their appearance by do some type of thing likeundergoing various procedures such as surgery, wearing jewellery, and puttapplying makeup. There are many reasons why they doengage ing this kind of thing.ese activities. In this essay, I will try to explaining some of those reason in this essay and also tell if thiss and discuss whether this trend is positive or negative thing. . One reason people change their appearance is becausethat they want to look more beautiful or handsome. They thinkbelieve that if they look more goodbetter, they will be more successful in life, like in jobparticularly in their careers or in relationships. For example, many actors and actress des undergo surgery to cenhangce their faceial features and body shape because they want to lookappear perfect on camera. Also, many peopledditionally, many individuals wear jewellery likesuch as necklaces, earrings, and rings to make themselfves look more attractive and stylish. Another reason is that people want to fit in with society and follow fashion trends. Many peopleindividuals, especially the younger generation, want to look likaspire to resemble their favourite celebrityies or models. They see them wearing certain kindobserve these figures wearing specific types of makeup or clothing styles and they want to copy that style to be likwish to emulate them. This is especialparticularly true for teenagers who are still trying to find their identity and want to belong to a certain group. In my opinion, changing one’s appearance can be both a positive and negative thingphenomenon. It can be positive if it make peoplehelps individuals feel more confident and happy about themself. Itves. Such changes can boost their self-esteem and make them feel moreenhance their overall successful in life. However, it can also be negative if people become toooverly obsessed with their looks and spend too muchexcessive amounts of money and time on ithem. They might forgetlose sight of what is truly important in life, likesuch as their personality, character, and relationships with other people. s. In conclusion, there are several reasons why people change their appearance nowadays, such as wantingincluding the desire to look more attractive and tor following fashion trends. While ithis can have some positive effects, it can also be negative if peopledetrimental if individuals become too focused on their appearance. In the endUltimately, what matters most is not how we look on the outside, but who we are on the inside.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents both positive and negative aspects of changing appearance. Key strengths include a structured approach with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as relevant examples that support the main points. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, coherence, and lexical variety. The original essay contained several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that hindered clarity. The revised version addresses these issues by correcting grammatical mistakes and improving sentence structure. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices has been enhanced to improve the flow of ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples and elaborating on the implications of changing appearance on society and individual well-being. Furthermore, the writer could benefit from using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance sophistication. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is limited, which affects the overall clarity. To enhance coherence, the writer could use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('are try to changing'), incorrect verb forms ('doing' instead of 'do'), and awkward sentence structures. These errors hinder clarity and reduce the overall effectiveness of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and varying sentence types to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical accuracy.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'do some type of thing' and 'make themself.' The writer attempts to use a range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of sophistication and variety. To enhance lexical resource, the writer could incorporate more varied and precise vocabulary, avoiding repetition.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for changing appearance and presents both positive and negative aspects. However, the development of ideas lacks depth and clarity in some areas. For instance, the examples provided could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument. To improve, the writer could elaborate on the implications of these changes on society and individual well-being.
6.0

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