Insufficient quantity of usable water is currently a major problem. What are the causes? How can we prevent it?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

In athe present-day world, we are facing off witha shortage of drinkable water, and it is becoming more and morean increasingly serious concern. There isare many causes of theseis problem, and also there isare also many ways to prevent it from being even worsening in athe future. The main cause of the insufficient water is the overconsumption by the humans. As populations increases, the demand for water also rincreases for daily uses likesuch as drinking, cooking, and washing. ButHowever, the supply of clean water is not increasing at the same rate. Another significant cause is the pollutiong of rivers and lakes by factories and industrial waste. This contamination makes water undrinkable and further reduces the availableility of clean water even more. To preventing this problem from getting worse,escalating, the government needs to take strict action. They should puttingimpose limits on water usage per person and fine those who waste water. EFurthermore, educating people is also important, to makecrucial to help them understand the importance of saving waters. Industries must be strictly regulated strictly to prevent them from dumping waste into water bodies. GThe government should also investing in water treatment plants and desalination technology to increasinge the supply of usable water. In conclusion, the shortage of clean water is a serious issue with many causes like, such as overuse and pollution. ButHowever, it can be prevented bymitigated through government action, regulation, education, and investment in technology. We all have tomust work together to solve theseis problem before it becomes too late.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by identifying the causes of water shortage and suggesting preventive measures. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more depth in the development of ideas, such as providing specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve the flow between ideas. The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and grammatical errors that affect clarity. The tone is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures to enhance grammatical range and accuracy.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could be better linked for improved flow. For instance, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between ideas.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'there is many causes' (should be 'there are many causes') and 'to preventing this problem' (should be 'to prevent this problem'). These errors affect clarity and accuracy. Improving grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition, such as 'water' and 'clean water.' The writer could benefit from using synonyms or more varied expressions. Additionally, phrases like 'serious concern' and 'insufficient water' show some range, but more sophisticated vocabulary could elevate the writing.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by identifying causes of water shortage and suggesting preventive measures. However, it lacks depth in the development of ideas and examples. To improve, the writer could elaborate on each cause and prevention method with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
6.5

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