International sporting events promote peace between countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In recent years, international sportings ars have become more and more popular. They are watched by millions of people around the world. Some people believe that international sports events promote peace between the countries. I agree with this statement to a greater extend. t. Firstly, international sportes like the oOlympics or wWorld cCup football bring people from many countryies together. When athletes from differnent nations compete, they representing their countries. They can show the world the best of their country, not just in sports but also in their culture and values. This helps to break down barriers between people and countries. It promotes understanding and friendship between nations. Secondly, during international sports events, people from all over athe world come together to celebrate. They cheer for their team, but also appreciate the skills and talents of athletes from other country athleties. This creates a sense of unity and togetherness. It shows that despite our differences, we all share a love of sport and competition. This feeling of unity can last long after the event is over. However, there are sometimes when international sports events can lead to tension between countries. For example, if there is a controversial decision by a referee, or if fans of differnent teams clash. But these incidents are rare, and mostly, internationeal sports promote peace and goodwill. In conclusion, I believe that international sports events definaitely promote a peace between countries. They bring people together, break down barriers, and create a sense of unity. While there can be occasional tension, the overall effect is positive. As the world becomes more connected, international sports will continue to play an importeant role in promoteing peace and understanding.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear argument that international sports events promote peace, supported by relevant examples. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, critical areas for improvement include addressing spelling and grammatical errors, enhancing the use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions, and providing more detailed examples to strengthen the argument. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing clarity in sentence construction. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific instances where sports have successfully fostered peace and varying the vocabulary to avoid repetition. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, the use of pronouns and references could be clearer to avoid ambiguity.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'are become', 'is over'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'representing' should be 'represent'), and awkward constructions. These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical correctness and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'internation', 'sportings', 'extend', 'athlete', 'differnet', 'promoteing', 'importent') that detract from the overall quality. While there is some variety in word choice, the presence of repetitive phrases like 'international sports events' could be improved by using synonyms or paraphrasing.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that international sporting events promote peace, supported by relevant examples. However, the argument could be strengthened with more detailed examples and a clearer acknowledgment of the counterargument. For instance, elaborating on specific instances where sports have successfully fostered peace would enhance the response.
6.5

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