Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good community spirit. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Government have much responsible to make s a significant responsibility to ensure theat citizens feel happy and connected with each other. I am agree that building amenityies like leisure centres in local areas is aone of the best ways to foster community spirit. This essay will discuss why I think this and also explore other measures that can be effective too. First, when the government invests in leisure centeres, it provides a place for peoples to gather and enjoy activities together. For example, there can be swimming pools, gyms, sports courses, etc. When neighborurs come to use thisese facilities, they will naturally interact and get to know one another. Over time, this leads to stronger bonds and a feeling of belonging in the community. In my village, the opening of a new recreation complex last year haves makede a big differentce in how much peoples sociallizse and feel close. However, I also believe the government should consider other ways to build community spirit besides just leisure centres. One importeant measure is to sponsor local events and festivals. This give chance for residents residents a chance to celebreate together and share cultureal heritage. For insteance, my village haves a yearly harvest festival where everyone gathers to eat, dance, and play games. This really brings peoples together and strenghthens our kinship. O Another step the government can take includes beautifying public spaces like parks and plazas, so peoples feel proud of their sourroundings. Alsodditionally, supporting local volunteer and charity group tos can encourage peoples to help each other. All thisese measures, combined with leisure centres, can create a very tight-knit and vibreant community. In conclusion, I agree that investing in amenities such as leisure centres is verya powerful way for the government to foster community spirit. This provides space for peoples to come together and form bonds. However, authorityies should also utilise other measures like sponseroring festivals, beautifying public areas, and supporting volunteers to truly build a strong and connected community. Only with a multi-pronged approach can a real sense of kinship flourish.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a logical argument in favour of building leisure centres to foster community spirit. Key strengths include a structured approach with distinct paragraphs and relevant examples that support the main points. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The introduction could be more explicit about the extent of agreement with the statement, and the arguments could be developed further with more detailed examples. Additionally, the essay contained numerous spelling and grammatical errors, which detracted from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. The use of cohesive devices was limited, which affected the flow of ideas. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving spelling, and enhancing transitions between ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include expanding on examples with more detail and varying sentence structures to improve grammatical range. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the flow of ideas could be enhanced. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could improve the connection between points.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'have much responsible'), incorrect article usage ('a best way'), and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'Goverment', 'importent', 'celebrete') and repetitive phrases (e.g., 'peoples', 'goverment'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
5.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by agreeing with the statement and providing reasons and examples. However, it could be improved by presenting a clearer position and more developed arguments. For instance, the introduction could explicitly state the extent of agreement, and the examples could be more detailed to strengthen the argument.
6.0

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