Is a degree a must in the modern workplace?
Sample Essay with Corrections
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The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument in favour of obtaining a degree in the modern workplace. Key strengths include a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, as well as relevant examples to support the main points. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The essay could benefit from deeper argumentation, including more specific examples or counterarguments to strengthen the position. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be enhanced to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there were several spelling errors and repetitive phrases that detracted from the overall quality. Furthermore, grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, affected the accuracy of the writing. The structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and enhancing the use of cohesive devices. Transition phrases were added to improve the flow between ideas. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate statistics or studies to substantiate their claims and vary their vocabulary to demonstrate a wider lexical range. Overall, the tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow of ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('employee' should be 'employees') and incorrect article usage ('a degree is the must' should be 'a degree is a must'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors affect the overall accuracy and range of grammatical structures used.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'modren', 'beleive', 'employee') that detract from the overall quality. Additionally, the repetition of phrases like 'having degree' could be varied with synonyms or rephrasing to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the topic of whether a degree is necessary in the modern workplace and provides reasons to support the opinion. However, it lacks depth in argumentation and could benefit from more specific examples or counterarguments. To improve, the writer could include statistics or studies that further substantiate their claims.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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