It is becoming more and more difficult to escape the influence of the media on our lives. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media rich society.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Today, the medias are part off our everyday lives. They surrounding us whicherever way we wille go. It is becoming more difficult to avoid their influentsce and sometimes control over our lifves. There isare some advantages to leaiving in a society witchthat is so rich offin medias. ButHowever, there isare disadvanteages as well. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the arguement. From On the one hand, medias bringing us a lot of informations. They allowing us to always being connected with the world and know what is happening. With the internet and smartphones, we are have constant access to informations, news, and entertainments. It is very convenient,; we don’t have to wait any time for informations, as everything is heravailable immediately. Alsodditionally, we can communicatinge with peoples from around the world thanks to social medias. We can to share our experiaences and opinions on internet blogs and in yYoutTube videos. ItThis connectings peoples and makinges the world smaller. From On the other hand, some peoples saying there isare too many medias in our lifves. They worrying about the negative aeffects on our relationships and mentality health. If we spending all our time on phones and computers, we don’t have time for face-to-face communicationg with family and friends. We don not developing real human connections. AlsoFurthermore, some peoples saying argue that medias can influentingce our opinions and thinkings. If we all timere constantly reading the same informations and ideas, we starting to believinge them, even if they are wrong. Medias can spreading fake news and manipulateing people's minds. ItThis can be dangerous for society. To summarise, living in a media-rich world haves both positive and negative sideaspects. We must learning to usinge medias wisely, taking advantage of the possibilities they give us. Butoffer us. However, we should also donot allowing them to control our lifves and minds. We must to finding a balance between the virtual and real worlds to livinge happy lifves.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media-rich society. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as a relevant topic. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, vocabulary range, and the development of ideas. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with better transitions, and enhancing clarity by refining awkward phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples to support points and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is present but could be more varied and effective. For instance, using linking words such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition' could enhance the logical progression of ideas.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and awkward sentence structures. These errors hinder the overall clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the topic, with some attempts at more sophisticated language (e.g., 'influencing', 'manipulating'). However, there are several instances of repetitive word choices (e.g., 'medias', 'peoples') and some inaccuracies (e.g., 'off' instead of 'of'). To improve, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct usage.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media-rich society. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there are several grammatical errors that detract from the clarity of the argument. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples to support their points and ensure that the ideas are fully developed.
6.0

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