It is better to buy just a few expensive clothes, rather than lots of cheaper clothes. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and provides reasons and examples to support the argument, which is a key strength. However, it could benefit from a more balanced view by acknowledging potential counterarguments. The structure is logical, but transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing that could be improved. Grammatical accuracy is a critical area for improvement, as several errors affect clarity. In this corrected version, I made changes to improve grammatical accuracy, such as correcting subject-verb agreement and verb forms. I also enhanced the flow of ideas by adding transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. For further improvements, the writer could expand their vocabulary and use more sophisticated terms, as well as consider including counterarguments to provide a more balanced perspective. The tone used is appropriate for the task, maintaining a formal yet personal style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. For example, phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'in addition' could enhance the flow of ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ('this materials' should be 'these materials') and incorrect verb forms ('loose' should be 'lose'). Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider variety of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, with some good expressions like 'quality over quantity' and 'fast fashion industry.' However, there are instances of repetition (e.g., 'clothes' and 'cheap') and some awkward phrasing (e.g., 'demaged' should be 'damaged'). Expanding the range of vocabulary and using more sophisticated terms would improve this score.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion on the topic. It provides reasons and examples to support the argument, such as the quality of materials and the impact on confidence. However, the response could be improved by providing a more balanced view, acknowledging potential counterarguments, and ensuring that all points are fully developed.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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