It is common practice for some students to take a gap year between high school and university in order to do charitable work abroad in underdeveloped countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people of doing volunteer work?

Part 2
8.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In recent years, many students like me are choosing to do volunteer work in poor countries before they start university. While I believe this experience has many positive aspects, there are also some challenges that young people must consider carefully. When I think about the advantages of volunteering abroad, the first thing that comes to my mind is personal growth. Students who help others in different countries learn so much about otherdiverse cultures and ways of life. For example, my friend went to teach children in Africa last year, and she told me how this experience made her understand better what is realtruly important in life. Another goodsignificant point is that volunteers develop many useful skills which they can use later. They learn how to solve problems, work in teams, and communicate with people from differentindividuals from various backgrounds. However, I must say there are also some problems with taking a gap year for volunteer work. The biggest issue is that it costs a lot of money to travel and stay in another country for a long time. Many students' families cannot afford this, even though their children want to help others. Alsodditionally, sometimes young people feel very shocked when they see difficult situations in poorimpoverished countries, and they don't know how to deal with these feelings. I have heard that some volunteers return home early because everything is too different from what they expected. In my opinion, doing volunteer work during a gap year can be a very valuable experience if student iss are well prepared. I think it helps young people become more mature and understand global problemissues better. ButHowever, they need to think carefully about money issuefinancial matters and be ready for the challenges they will face. MaybePerhaps it is a good idea to start with some volunteer work in their own country first, to see if they really liketruly enjoy helping others. To conclude, while volunteering abroad has some difficulties like high costs and emotional challenges, I strongly believe its benefits for personal development and gaining life experience are more importsignificant. Students just need to prepare well and know what they are getting into.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of volunteering abroad, presenting a clear position and developing main ideas with relevant examples. Key strengths include a well-organized structure and a clear progression of ideas. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as the need for more varied vocabulary and the incorporation of more complex sentence structures. Structural changes made include correcting minor grammatical errors and enhancing the clarity of certain phrases. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include the use of more specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments and the introduction of a wider range of cohesive devices. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas. However, the use of more varied cohesive devices could enhance the flow even further.
8.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as 'costs lot of money' (should be 'costs a lot of money') and 'for long time' (should be 'for a long time'), but these do not significantly impede understanding. To improve, the writer could incorporate more complex sentence structures.
7.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and varied, with phrases like 'personal growth' and 'global problems.' However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'volunteering abroad' and 'young people,' which could be replaced with synonyms to demonstrate a wider lexical range. Additionally, using more sophisticated vocabulary could elevate the writing.
7.5
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of volunteering abroad. It presents a clear position and develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as personal growth and skill development. To improve further, the writer could include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen their arguments.
8.0

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