It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Most people nowadays believe physical activity is importancet for young people. Because of this, there is thinka belief that sports and PE must be required of thefor students in the schools. I somewhat agree with this idea, but not completely. On the one hand, school is a vital place for children to learns about the benefits of exercise. Firstly, not all parents encourages their kids to be active, so having PE classes ensures every student moves their body regularly. Secondly, by making sports required, it builds discipline and teaches students to do things even if ithey are hard. On top of that, exercising together helps childrens socialize and make friends. However, there are drawbacks to forceing all students to play sports at school. First of all, some teenagers have health conditions that prevent them from joining in, so it would be unfairly to make them. Also participate. Additionally, if exercise is mandated, students may start to resent it and not want to do it in their free time later. Finally, the school curriculum is already very full, and adding more PE takes time away from other equally important subjects like math, science, and languages. In concludingsion, while I support the promoting active lifestyles to young people, I do not think sports should be forced on every student. Instead, schools can offering a variety of physical activities that appeal to different interests, and focus on making them funenjoyable.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position on the topic and acknowledges both sides of the argument, which is a key strength. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and specific examples would enhance the argument. The structure is logical, but the use of cohesive devices was limited, and transitions could be smoother. The vocabulary used was generally appropriate, but there were several spelling errors and incorrect word forms that needed correction. Grammatical errors affected clarity, and attention to sentence structure is necessary for improvement. In the corrected version, I made changes to address spelling errors, grammatical inaccuracies, and improved coherence by adding necessary linking words. I also ensured that each paragraph had a clear topic sentence and supporting details. For further improvements, the writer could incorporate more specific examples to support their points and vary their vocabulary to enhance lexical resource. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs for different ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'However' are used, but more varied linking words could enhance the flow. Improving the overall coherence by ensuring that each point clearly relates to the main argument would be beneficial.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates some grammatical range, but there are numerous errors that affect clarity, such as 'there is think' (there is a belief), 'I some agree' (I somewhat agree), and 'it hard' (it is hard). Additionally, subject-verb agreement issues are present, such as 'not all parents encourages' (not all parents encourage). To improve, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure grammatical accuracy throughout the essay.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several instances of incorrect word forms and spelling errors, such as 'belive' (believe), 'importance' (important), and 'discpline' (discipline). Additionally, phrases like 'help childrens socialize' should be corrected to 'help children socialize.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure accuracy in spelling and word choice.
5.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position on the topic, acknowledging both sides of the argument. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples to support the points made. For instance, elaborating on how physical education can benefit students academically or socially would strengthen the argument. Additionally, the conclusion could be more definitive in summarizing the main points.
6.0

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