It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Part 2
7.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Some people are believinge that talents such as sport or music are inborn, while others think any child can be teachedaught to be good at these things. I will discuss both sides of this argument and give my own opinion. On the one hand, there is evidence to suggest that certain individuals have a natural aptitude for particular activities. For example, some children display exceptional musical ability from a very young age, without having had much formal training. Similarly, some athletes seem to have a natural advantage in terms of their physical build and coordination, which allows them to excel in their chosen sport. This suggests that there may be a genetic component to talent that cannot be taught. On the other hand, it is also true that hard work and dedication can enable anyone to develop their skills in a particular area. Even if someone is not naturally gifted, they can still achieve a high level of proficiency through practice and perseverance. In fact, many successful musicians and sportspeople have credited their success to their work ethic rather than any innate talentability. Ultimately, I believe that while some people may have a natural advantage, anyone can become accomplished in a particular field if they are willing to put in the time and effort. Innate talent can certainly help, but it is not the only factor in achieving success. With the right training and support, any child has the potential to develop their abilities and reach a high level of skill. In conclusion, although there is evidence to suggest that some people are born with certain talents, I believe that any child can be taught to excel in a particular area if they are given the right opportunities and encouragement. Natural ability may give some individuals an advantage, but ultimately; however, hard work and dedication areiligence are ultimately the keys to success.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views regarding innate talent versus the ability to develop skills through hard work. The writer presents a clear position in the conclusion, stating that while natural talent exists, dedication is crucial for success. Key strengths of the essay include its clear structure and logical progression of ideas, which contribute to coherence and cohesion. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for more varied cohesive devices and synonyms to enhance lexical variety. Additionally, grammatical errors such as 'are believing' and 'teached' were corrected to improve accuracy. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing more specific examples or statistics to strengthen arguments and varying sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, and cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas. However, the use of more varied cohesive devices could enhance the flow further, such as using 'furthermore' or 'in addition' to connect points.
8.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors, such as 'are believing' (should be 'believe') and 'teached' (should be 'taught'). These mistakes slightly detract from the overall accuracy. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical errors and ensure correct verb forms are used.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and varied, with terms like 'aptitude,' 'proficiency,' and 'perseverance' demonstrating a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'natural talent' and 'hard work,' which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety. For example, 'innate ability' or 'diligence' could be used.
7.5
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views regarding innate talent versus the ability to develop skills through hard work. The writer presents a clear position in the conclusion, stating that while natural talent exists, dedication is crucial for success. To improve, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen their arguments.
8.0

Related Writing Samples

Part 2
5.0

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Part 2
6.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
8.0

We have become a disposable society, preferring to buy new products rather than fixing existing items. What are the causes of this trend and what are the possible solutions?

Part 2
5.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
7.0

Today single-use products are still very common. Why is this? What are the problems associated with this?

Part 2
6.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?