It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

'Nowadays, the topic of how to teach children is verwidely discussed. Many people think that children must learn what is good and what is bad in their early years. They say that punishment can be a good way forto achieve this. I agree with this opinion, but only to some extent. I think that children should know the difference of wbetween right and wrong from a young age. If they do not learn this, they may have problems in the future. For example, if a child does not know that stealing is bad, he may steal something and get in trouble with the law. Alsodditionally, if a child thinks that lieying is okay, he may lie to his parents or teachers and this, which can cause problems in his relationships. However, I do not thinkbelieve that punishment is always the best way to teach children. In my opinion, parents and teachers should first try to explain to the child why something is wrong. They can use examples from real life or stories to help the child understand. If the child still does not listen, then I think a small punishment is okay. For examplacceptable. For instance, the child can haveould be asked to stay in his room for some time or he cannota short period or be temporarily restricted from playing with his toys. ButHowever, the punishment should not be too strong, likeevere, such as hitting the child. T, as this can make the child afraidinstill fear and it is not a good way to teachn effective teaching method. In conclusion, I believe it is important for children to learn about right and wrong when they are young. Punishment can be used sometimesoccasionally, but it should not be the first choice. Parents and teachers need to explain and givprovide examples first. Only if the child does not listen, then should a small punishment is acceptable.be considered.'
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear position on the topic and relevant examples that support the argument. The writer effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of teaching children the difference between right and wrong and the role of punishment in this process. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The essay contained numerous spelling errors that detracted from its overall quality, and grammatical inaccuracies affected clarity. The transitions between ideas could also be smoother to enhance coherence. Structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, improving grammatical accuracy, and refining transitions between paragraphs. For instance, 'the difference of wright and rong' was changed to 'the difference between right and wrong', and 'the child can have to stay in his room' was revised to 'the child could be asked to stay in his room'. Further improvements could include providing a more balanced view on the types of punishment and incorporating more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is present, but there are moments where transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the necessity of teaching right and wrong to the methods of punishment could be more clearly articulated. Improving the use of linking phrases would enhance the overall flow of the essay.
6.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions (e.g., 'the difference of wright and rong', 'the child can have to stay in his room'). These issues affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should aim for more complex sentence structures and ensure grammatical accuracy throughout the essay.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'wright', 'rong', 'yung', 'lern', 'lieing') that detract from the overall quality. While the writer attempts to use a range of vocabulary, the presence of these errors limits the effectiveness. To improve, the writer should focus on spelling accuracy and consider using more varied vocabulary to express ideas.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of teaching children the difference between right and wrong and the role of punishment in this process. The writer presents a clear position, agreeing with the use of punishment to some extent, and provides relevant examples to support their argument. However, the response could be improved by offering a more balanced view on the types of punishment and including more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
7.0

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