It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In today's world, many people face difficult choices about taking risks in their lifeves. While some believe it is better to stay in their comfort zone, I think the benefits of taking calculated risks are greater than the drawbacks, and I will explain my reasons. First of all, when we take risks in our professional lifeves, we can getain more opportunities for growth. I remember when I changed my job two years ago - it was a very scary decision because I had worked in the same company for a long time. ButHowever, after I made this change, I learned many new skills and gotreceived a better salary. This shows that sometimes we need to take risk fors to improvinge our career path.s. Moreover, taking risks in personal life can help us to discover new experiences and meet interesting people. For example, when I decided to study abroad, I was worried about leaving my family and friends. HowNevertheless, this risk helped me to become a more independent person and make friends from different cultures. If I dihadn't taken this risk, I would never have known how much I canould achieve by myself. On the other hand, I understand that risks can also bring negative consequences. Sometimes people lose money or waste time when they try new business ideas. Alsodditionally, some personal decisions, like moving to another country, might make us feel lonely. But I thinkHowever, I believe these problems are temporary, and we can learn from our mistakes. In conclusion, although taking risks can be challenging and sometimes leads to difficulties, I strongly believe that the advantages are more significant than the disadvantages. Without taking risks, we might miss important chancopportunities for personal development and professional success. It is better to try and maybepossibly fail than to never try at all.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position that the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages. Key strengths include relevant examples from both professional and personal experiences, which support the argument well. However, there are critical areas for improvement, such as enhancing the development of ideas with more specific examples or data, and improving transitions between paragraphs for better coherence. Structural changes made include correcting minor grammatical errors, enhancing clarity, and improving the flow of ideas. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary to reduce repetition and incorporating more sophisticated phrases to elevate the tone. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, and there are appropriate cohesive devices used to link ideas. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the introduction could better outline the structure of the essay to enhance clarity.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate usage. There are minor errors, such as missing articles ('the comfort zone') and some awkward constructions ('it was very scary decision'), which slightly detract from the overall clarity. However, these do not significantly impede understanding.
7.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with phrases like 'calculated risks' and 'personal development' demonstrating a good range. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the word 'risk,' which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety. Additionally, some phrases could be more sophisticated to elevate the overall tone.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages. The writer provides relevant examples from both professional and personal experiences to support their argument. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument further.
7.5

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