It is predicted that robots are going to become increasingly important in our lives. How could robots be used in the future? Will this development be a positive or a negative development?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear opinion on the topic and a logical structure with distinct paragraphs. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs provide relevant examples to support the main points. However, there are critical areas for improvement. The use of more varied linking phrases could enhance coherence and cohesion, while the vocabulary could be expanded to avoid repetition and improve lexical resource. Additionally, grammatical accuracy needs attention, particularly with common errors like 'lifes' instead of 'lives' and 'outweight' instead of 'outweigh.' More complex sentence structures could also be employed to elevate the overall quality of the writing. The structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, enhancing the clarity of certain phrases, and improving the flow between ideas with better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific examples or evidence regarding the potential negative impacts of robots on employment, as well as using a wider range of vocabulary and more complex grammatical structures. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, but the use of cohesive devices could be enhanced. For instance, using more varied linking phrases could improve the flow between ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors, such as 'lifes' instead of 'lives' and 'outweight' instead of 'outweigh.' These mistakes affect the overall accuracy. More complex sentence structures could also be employed to improve the score.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate and conveys the intended meaning effectively. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'lifes' instead of 'lives,' which detracts from the overall lexical range. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions would enhance the score.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing how robots could be used in the future and presents a clear opinion that this development is positive. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made, particularly regarding the potential negative impacts of robots on employment.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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