It is very important for people to be able to speak more than one language. Therefore, children should start learning a foreign language as young as possible. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument in favour of early language learning. Key strengths include a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that reiterates the main points. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the depth of argumentation. The revised version addresses these issues by correcting grammatical errors, improving vocabulary, and enhancing coherence through better transitions. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include providing specific examples or studies to support claims about language acquisition and expanding on the benefits of multilingualism. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. For instance, phrases like 'the young mind of children is like spoonge' could be better articulated. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and transitions between ideas could be improved for better clarity.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('I am agree'), incorrect verb forms ('begin to learning'), and punctuation mistakes. While the writer attempts to use complex sentences, many are awkwardly constructed. To improve, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'then' instead of 'than', 'childrens' instead of 'children', 'opertunities' instead of 'opportunities'). Additionally, some phrases are repetitive, such as 'learning a foreign language' and 'young age'. To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The essay addresses the prompt by agreeing with the statement and providing reasons to support this position. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and some points lack depth. For example, while the essay mentions that children learn languages faster, it could benefit from specific examples or studies to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main points but does not introduce any new insights.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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