It was predicted that, with the development of technology, people in the 21st century would have much more free time than in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am agree with the statement but only to some degree. Technology haves definitely makde life easier for many people in the world and saved them time in their daily lifeves. For example, with washing machines, people no longer need to spend hours washing the clothes by hand. AndFurthermore, with the internet, we can shop, pay bills, and doperform other tasks online very quickly instead of going out to stores or banks. This saves us a lot of time. However, even though technology saves time in some ways, it also takinges up more of our time than before. The same internet whichthat makes things faster also distracts us with social media, online videos, games, and other things that make uslead us to waste a lot of time. In addition, technology haves created more work and pressure for many peoples. With smartphones and laptops, employees are often expected to respond to emails and messages even after they leave the office. This means that they have less real free time to relax. In sum, I believe that while technology haves saved time in certain areas of life, overall it does not necessarily lead to more free time for people. In fact, for many, it haves the opposite aeffect and makes them feel more busy andbusier and more stressed than before. Maybe in the future, as technology improve mores further, we will finally have the extra free time that was predicted, but for now, I don't think this is the case for most of people in the 21st century.
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear position on the impact of technology on time management, effectively addressing the prompt. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant examples that illustrate the points made. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement, and the use of more varied vocabulary to enhance the argument's depth. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating specific studies or statistics to strengthen the argument and using more sophisticated vocabulary to convey complexity. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better clarity. For example, using cohesive devices like 'on the other hand' or 'furthermore' could enhance the connection between contrasting ideas.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ('technology have' should be 'technology has') and awkward constructions. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are instances of repetition and inaccuracies, such as 'have' instead of 'has' and 'affect' instead of 'effect.' To improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, such as 'the double-edged sword of technology' to convey complexity.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that technology has both saved time and created new pressures. However, the development of ideas could be enhanced with more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the implications of technology on free time. For instance, discussing specific studies or statistics could strengthen the argument.
6.5

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