Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friends. In your letter: thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn't write earlier invite them to come and stay with you
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
Key strengths of the essay include a clear structure that addresses all parts of the task effectively, maintaining an appropriate tone for a personal letter. The content is relevant and well-developed, showcasing a good range of ideas. Critical areas for improvement involve enhancing coherence and cohesion by using smoother transitions between ideas, particularly when moving from the explanation of the delay to the invitation. Additionally, there were minor grammatical errors and some repetitive phrases that could be varied for better lexical diversity. Structural changes made include improving transitions and correcting minor grammatical errors, such as changing 'many works' to 'a lot of work' and 'big project' to 'a big project.' These adjustments enhance clarity and accuracy. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include varying vocabulary further to avoid repetition and incorporating more cohesive devices to link ideas more fluidly. The tone used is appropriate for a personal letter, conveying warmth and friendliness, which is suitable for the context of the communication.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally coherent, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions could be smoother. For example, the transition from explaining the delay to the invitation could be more clearly linked. Using cohesive devices more effectively would enhance the overall clarity.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, but there are some minor errors, such as 'many works' instead of 'much work' and 'big project' which could be 'a big project.' These errors do not significantly impede understanding, but addressing them would improve accuracy.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, with phrases like 'good memories' and 'spare room.' However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'writing' and 'holiday.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms or varied expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task: it thanks the friends for the photos and the holiday, explains the delay in writing, and invites them to visit. The tone is appropriate for a personal letter, and the content is relevant and well-developed.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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