Last weekend you attended the Canada Day community picnic. The event was a potluck, so everyone brought a dish of food to share. Some people, including you, have allergies or can't eat some types of food, such as nuts and seafood, so you included a list of ingredients with your dish. No one else did this. Write a letter to the event organizer to: Express your overall enjoyment of last week's event Explain why each potluck dish needs a list of ingredients Describe how the potluck could be differently organized next year
Sample Essay with Corrections
Expert Feedback
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task, expressing enjoyment of the event, explaining the need for ingredient lists, and suggesting improvements for next year. Key strengths include a clear structure and relevant content. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the formality of the tone and using more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving transitions between ideas, and refining the introduction and conclusion for clarity. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures to enhance the overall quality. The tone used is generally appropriate, but a slightly more formal approach would better suit the context of the letter.
Detailed Scores
What this means:
The letter is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs for each point. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the flow of ideas.
How to improve:
- Use a clear paragraph structure
- Connect ideas with appropriate linking words
- Maintain logical progression
- Use referencing effectively
What this means:
The letter demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, but there are several minor errors, such as 'for telling you' (should be 'to tell you') and 'everyone bring' (should be 'everyone brought'). These errors affect the overall accuracy but do not significantly hinder understanding.
How to improve:
- Use complex sentence structures
- Maintain grammatical accuracy
- Use a variety of sentence patterns
- Check for common grammar errors
What this means:
The vocabulary is appropriate and conveys the message clearly, but there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'food' and 'dish.' To improve, the writer could use synonyms like 'cuisine' or 'meal' to add variety. Additionally, some phrases could be more sophisticated.
How to improve:
- Use a wider range of vocabulary
- Demonstrate awareness of collocations
- Avoid word repetition
- Use more sophisticated vocabulary accurately
What this means:
The letter effectively addresses all parts of the task, expressing enjoyment of the event, explaining the need for ingredient lists, and suggesting improvements for next year. However, the explanation could be more concise and focused, and the tone could be slightly more formal to match the context.
How to improve:
- Address all parts of the task fully
- Support ideas with specific examples
- Develop each point thoroughly
- Stay relevant to the topic
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