ln mony ports of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. ls this a positive or a negative development?

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

In recent years, children in many countries hasve been getting more freedom compared to the past times. This is a positive development, in my opinion. There are several reasons why I believe this is a good thingaspect. Firstly, giving children more freedom allows them to develop their independence and decision-making skills. When children have the freedom to explore and make choices for themselfves, they learn how to think critically and solve problems on their own. This is an important skill that will serve them well throughout their lifeves. In contrast, if children are always told what to do and not given any freedom, they may struggle to make decisions and be independent as adults. Secondly, greater freedom for children can lead to increased creativity and innovation. When children hasve the freedom to pursue their interests and passions, they are more likely to come up with new ideas and solutions. This can benefit society as a whole, as these children may grow up to be the inventors, entrepreneurs, and leaders of tomorrow. If children are not given the freedom to explore and experiment, they may not develop their full potential. Moreover, allowing children to express themselves freely can foster a sense of confidence and self-worth, which is crucial for their overall development. In conclusion, I believe that the trend towards giving children more freedom is a positive development. It allows children to develop important life skills and encourages creativity and innovation. While there may be some risks associated with giving children too much freedom, overall, I think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position that increased freedom for children is a positive development. Key strengths include a logical structure and relevant reasons supporting the main argument, such as the development of independence and creativity. However, critical areas for improvement include grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage, as well as the need for more varied vocabulary and cohesive devices. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, enhancing transitions with 'Moreover,' and refining phrases for clarity and variety. Further improvements could involve providing specific examples or evidence to support claims, as well as varying the vocabulary used to avoid repetition. The tone of the essay is appropriate for an academic context, maintaining a formal and persuasive style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, and there are appropriate linking phrases. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the flow of the essay. For instance, using phrases like 'Moreover' or 'Additionally' could improve transitions between ideas.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('children has' should be 'children have') and missing articles ('important skill' should be 'an important skill'). These errors affect the overall accuracy, but the meaning remains clear. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and conveys the intended meaning. Phrases like 'independence and decision-making skills' and 'creativity and innovation' demonstrate a good range. However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as 'freedom' and 'children,' which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety. Additionally, minor errors like 'good thing' could be refined to 'a positive aspect.'
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear position that the increased freedom for children is a positive development. The main ideas are developed with relevant reasons and examples, such as the development of independence and creativity. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made.
7.5

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