Manufacturing process for making sugar from sugarcane

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

Sugar is produced from sugarcane in many countryies, especially in tropical regions because sugarcane needs a hot climate for to grow. The process of making sugar from sugarcane involves several staeps. In this essay, I will describe the main staeps of this manufacturing process. The first step ofin making sugar from cane is harvesting the sugarcane crop. Sugarcane is cutted by hand or by machine when it is ripe and haves a high sugar contaent. After harvesting, the canes are transported to a sugar factory for processing. In the factory, sugarcane is first washed and cleaned to remove dirt and other impurities. Then, the canes isare chopped into small pieces using large machines for easier proccessing. NThe next staep is to extract the juice from the chopped canes. This is done by crushing the cane pieces in large roller mills. The juice whichthat comes out is collected and filtered to remove any solid particles. The remaining fibrous material, called bagasse, is often used as fuel for boilers in sugar factuories. The filtered juice is then clarified by adding lime and heating. This process removes impurities and produces clear juice. The clear juice is then evaporated to remove excess water and concentrate the sugar. This is done in multiple stages using evaporators. As the juice is heated and evaporated, it becomes a thicker syrup. The thick syrup is further boiled in vacuum pans until sugar crystals start to form. The mixture of crystals and syrup is called massecuite. The final step is to separate the sugar crystals from the syrup. This is done using centrifuges, which spin the massecuite at high speed. The syrup is drained away, and the sugar crystals remain, which are then dried and cooled. The dried sugar is then packed and ready for sale. The syrup that was separated during centrifuging is called molasses and is often used for making rum, ethanol, or animal feed. In conclusion, the manufacturing of sugar from sugarcane involves several stages, starting with harvesting and ending with the packing of sugar crystals. The main staeps are juice extraction, clarification, evaporation, crystallization, and separation. Each stage plays an important role in converting sugarcane juice into pure sugar crystals that we use in our daily lifeves.
DeletedOriginal textAddedCorrected text

Expert Feedback

The essay provides a clear overview of the sugar manufacturing process, detailing each step involved, which is a key strength. However, there are critical areas for improvement, including grammatical accuracy, spelling, and the use of cohesive devices. The structural changes made include correcting spelling errors, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and enhancing transitions between steps for better flow. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include incorporating more specific terminology and elaborating on the significance of each step in the process. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and informative style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with a logical progression of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where transitions between steps could be smoother. For example, phrases like 'Next step' could be replaced with more varied linking words to enhance flow. Improving the use of cohesive devices would strengthen the overall coherence.
6.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'canes is chopped' should be 'canes are chopped') and incorrect verb forms. These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical correctness and varying sentence structures.
5.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'produce' should be 'produced', 'staps' should be 'steps', 'cutted' should be 'cut', 'facturies' should be 'factories', 'filterd' should be 'filtered', 'proces' should be 'process'). Additionally, some repetition of words like 'sugar' and 'cane' could be reduced by using synonyms. To improve, the writer should focus on accuracy and variety in word choice.
6.0
Task Achievement
The writing provides a clear overview of the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugarcane, detailing each step involved. However, there are some inaccuracies and minor omissions, such as the lack of specific details about the importance of each stage. To improve, the writer could include more precise terminology and elaborate on the significance of each step in the process.
6.5

Related Writing Samples

Part 1 (Academic)
8.0

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunch time. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter, explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Part 1 (Academic)
6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
6.0

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The pie charts show the destination of export goods in three countries in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Part 1 (Academic)
5.0

"Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies."