Many criminals commit more crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think is the cause of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Part 2
7.0

Sample Essay with Corrections

It is said to that many criminals commit crimes again shortly after they are released from prison. There are numerous reasonings to explain this problem, and various solutions have athe potential to mitigate it. Firstly, one major reason for re-offending is that criminals may have difficulty finding employment after their release. Having a criminal record are makingmakes it challenging for them to secure a job, even if they have skills and a desire to work. Without a stable income, they may feel compelled to return to crime in order to makinge money to support themselves and their families. Moreover, many criminals come from disadvantaged backgrounds and may not have had access to education or job training while in prison. Without the necessary skills and knowledge, they may see that they have few options other than to return to criminal activity. There are several solutions that could potentially reduce the rate of re-offending among released criminals. Firstly, prisons can invest more in education and job training to better prepare inmates for life after release. This could help them develop abilities and skills that are valuable in the job market, making it easier for them to find legitimate employment. AFurthermore, another solution is to provide more support for released prisoners, such as job placement assistance, housing assistance, and counselling services. This could help them navigate the challenges of reintegrating into society and ensure that they have the resources they need to stay on the right path. In conclusion, high rates of re-offending among released prisoners is a complex problem with no easy solutions. However, by addressing the underlying issues such as lack of education and employment opportunities, and providing more support for released prisoners, it may be possible to reduce the rate of criminal repeat and help more people successfully return to society.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, discussing the causes of re-offending and suggesting relevant solutions. Key strengths include a clear structure and relevant content. However, critical areas for improvement include enhancing the clarity of the introduction and conclusion, as well as improving grammatical accuracy and coherence through better transitions. Structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, refining the introduction for clarity, and adding transitional phrases like 'Furthermore' to improve flow. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented include varying vocabulary to avoid repetition and incorporating more complex sentence structures. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. However, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. For example, using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance the connection between ideas. Improving the use of linking words would strengthen the overall coherence.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors, such as 'are making' instead of 'makes' and 'to making money' instead of 'to make money.' These errors affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, the writer should proofread for grammatical mistakes and aim for more complex sentence structures.
6.5
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with terms like 're-offending,' 'disadvantaged backgrounds,' and 'job placement assistance.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of 'criminals' and 'crime.' To enhance the score, the writer could incorporate synonyms or more sophisticated expressions to avoid redundancy.
7.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing the causes of re-offending and suggesting relevant solutions. However, the introduction could be clearer, and the conclusion could summarize the main points more succinctly. For improvement, the writer could explicitly state their position in the introduction and ensure that the conclusion reinforces the key arguments presented.
7.5

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