Many customs and the traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to modern life, so they are not worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

Part 2
6.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

I am partially disagree with the statement that many customs and traditions are not relevant for modern life. I think that it's not good to keep all of thisese traditions, but some of them isare still important. First of all, the traditional ways of behaviour help us to remember our history and culture. For example, in my country, we have a special holiday when we wear traditional clothes and cook traditional food. This holiday helps us to not forget our roots and to be proud of our country. Alsodditionally, some customs like, such as respecting elders and helping neighbours, are still very important for society. They helpencourage us to be more kinder and more caring towards each other. On the other hand, I agree that some traditions are not longer relevant anymore. For exampl. For instance, in the past, women were not allowed to work or study, but now it' is normal for women to have a careers. AlsoFurthermore, some traditional ways of behaviorurs, like arranged marriages, are not common anymore because people wantprefer to choose their partners themselves. In conclusion, I thinkbelieve that we should keeppreserve some traditions that are stillmain relevant and important for our culture and society. ButHowever, we also need to be open-minded and accept that somecertain customs are not relevant anymore and we need to change them. It's importantoutdated and require change. It is crucial to find a balance between keepmaintaining traditions and bembracing modernity.
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Expert Feedback

The essay demonstrates several strengths, including a clear position on the topic and relevant examples that support the argument. The structure is generally well-organized, with distinct paragraphs focusing on specific points. However, there are critical areas for improvement, particularly in grammatical accuracy and lexical variety. The original essay contained several grammatical errors and instances of repetition that detracted from its overall quality. In the corrected version, I made necessary grammatical adjustments, improved the clarity of some phrases, and varied the vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource. The transitions between ideas were also smoothed out for better coherence. For further improvements, the writer could provide more specific examples of traditions that should be kept or discarded, which would strengthen the argument. Additionally, expanding on the implications of maintaining or changing traditions could add depth to the discussion. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and analytical style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, and there are appropriate cohesive devices used, such as 'first of all' and 'on the other hand.' However, the transitions between some ideas could be smoother to enhance overall clarity.
7.0
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity, such as 'I am partially disagree' (should be 'I partially disagree') and 'some of them is still important' (should be 'some of them are still important'). These errors indicate a need for improvement in grammatical accuracy and range.
6.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, with some effective phrases like 'respecting elders' and 'arranged marriages.' However, there are instances of repetition, such as the word 'traditions,' which could be varied with synonyms. Additionally, phrases like 'not good to keep all of this traditions' contain grammatical errors that detract from the overall lexical quality.
6.5
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that is partially in agreement with the statement. It develops main ideas with relevant examples, such as the importance of traditional holidays and customs. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and a clearer distinction between which traditions should be kept and which should not.
7.0

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