Many feel that the common educational system of teachers and students in a classroom will be replaced by the year 2050. Do you agree with this view? Give your opinion.

Part 2
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

'I agree that in the future, there it will be no more teachers and students sitting together in classroom,s as we see nowadays. With all the new technologies on the internet, there are options to learn from home and only meet your teacher sometimesoccasionally over zZoom. I think this will become very popular. Many students already benefit from home study. With a computer and internet access, they can search manyfor much informations themselfves, and having a teacher who maybe know less than the internet is not necessary. They will also save a lot of time, as they do not need to travel to the classroom every day. They can do their homework and attend class whenever they want and manage, managing their own time, itwhich is flexible. But of courseHowever, these changes may creating ae problems as well. For example, will the social life of students suffer? If they study only at home, maybe cannotthey may not be able to meet friends at school. Alsodditionally, some students must have physical training or exercise, like sports or music classes, twhisch cannot be done onlinternet. And thee. Furthermore, teachers will not gethave jobs if there are no classrooms! Overall i, I think thats classroom study areis important. But iHowever, I believe we should also use more technology and have online classes in the future. MaybePerhaps we can find a way to combine both home study and classroom study, so that students can benefit from all the advantage.s.'
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Expert Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion on the future of education and discusses both the benefits and drawbacks of online learning, which is a key strength. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, and the conclusion could be clearer. The flow of ideas has been improved with better transitions, and grammatical errors have been addressed to enhance clarity. Critical areas for improvement include providing more specific examples to support the arguments and varying vocabulary to avoid repetition. The structural changes made include correcting grammatical errors, improving coherence with transitional phrases, and ensuring proper paragraph structure. For further improvements, the writer could elaborate on the potential consequences of reduced classroom interaction and provide concrete examples of how technology can enhance learning. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions would strengthen the lexical resource. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective stance throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Some sentences are somewhat disjointed, and transitions between points are not always smooth. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of online learning to the potential drawbacks could be more clearly articulated. Using cohesive devices more effectively, such as 'however' or 'on the other hand,' would enhance the overall coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('there it will be no more teachers'), incorrect verb forms ('creating' instead of 'create'), and awkward constructions ('this cannot be done on internet'). While the meaning is generally clear, these errors detract from the overall quality. To improve, the writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'many informations' and 'no need to travel to classroom.' The writer demonstrates some flexibility with vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in using a wider range of expressions. To enhance this score, the writer could incorporate more varied vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion on the future of education and discusses both the benefits and drawbacks of online learning. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with more specific examples and a clearer conclusion. To improve, the writer could elaborate on the potential consequences of reduced classroom interaction and provide more concrete examples of how technology can enhance learning.
6.0

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