Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Part 1 (Academic)
5.5

Sample Essay with Corrections

Nowadays, we are seeing that some museums is charginge an entrance fee but some other museum do not charge. I think, while others do not. I believe that charging an entry fee in a museum havings more advantages overthan not chargeing for entry. In this essay i, I will explaining my opinion. One advantage ofor charging an entrance fee is that museums can earn money for maintainingenance. For example, museums need moneyfunds to keeping artifacts in good condition, and to pay workers' salary. Also museum needies. Additionally, museums require money if they want to display new artifacts or expand. So their facilities. Therefore, if a museum charginges an entrance fee they can earn enough money to pay for all the cost for, it can generate enough revenue to cover all the costs associated with running the museum. If museum have enough money, they can be runWith sufficient funds, museums can operate smoothly. O Another advantage is ifthat if a museum charges an entrance fee, visitors will appreciate the museum more. For examplinstance, if people pays money to visit a museum, they will beare likely to spending more time to properly seeobserving everyach artifact on display. In contrast, if museum entry is free, visitors may only quickly walk past each artifact and nowithout paying attention, they will notleading to a lack of appreciateion. I have experienced this when visiting a free museum. O; other visitors wasere very noisy and theydid not respect the museum. But in museum ispace. However, in the museum where I payid to enter, all visitors wasere quiet and paying attentions. So, charging money will makeattentive. Thus, charging an entry fee encourages visitors to take the museum seriously. In conclusion, iI believe that charging a fee for enter museum haveentry has more advantages as compared to free museum entry. This is because museums can earning money to paycover operating costs, and also visitor wills are more likely to appreciate the museum more ifif they pay for entry. However, it is also important to consider they paying money to enterotential drawbacks, such as accessibility issues for low-income individuals, which could be addressed through discounted or free days for certain groups.
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Expert Feedback

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages of charging admission fees for museums. Key strengths include a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, as well as relevant examples to support the arguments. However, critical areas for improvement include the need for a more balanced view that considers potential disadvantages, such as accessibility issues for low-income individuals. Structural changes made include improving grammatical accuracy, enhancing coherence with better linking phrases, and refining vocabulary to avoid repetition. Suggestions for further improvements not implemented in the corrected version include a more thorough exploration of the disadvantages of charging fees and the use of more varied vocabulary. The tone used is appropriate for an academic essay, maintaining a formal and objective style throughout.

Detailed Scores

Coherence And Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall flow. For example, phrases like 'if museum charging entrance fee' could be rephrased for clarity. Improving the use of linking words and phrases would enhance coherence.
5.5
Grammatical Range And Accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('some museums is charging') and incorrect verb forms ('i will explaining'). These errors detract from the clarity of the writing. To improve, the writer should focus on using correct grammatical structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the essay.
5.0
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as 'museum can earn money for maintaining' and 'if museum is free, visitor may only quickly walk past each artifact.' To improve, the writer should aim for more varied vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, which would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
6.0
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages of charging admission fees for museums. However, it lacks a balanced view as it does not adequately explore the disadvantages, which is essential for a comprehensive response. To improve, the writer could include a paragraph discussing potential drawbacks, such as accessibility issues for low-income individuals.
6.0

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